Hand Cannot Erase
by jcmoorehead
Summary: [Post 3.33]After the world narrowly escaped a 4th Impact, Shinji Ikari is broken. Asuka Shikinami must take charge and lead both him and the confused 'Rei Ayanami' across a vast wasteland to the place the Lilin can get them.
1. First Regret - Fourteen Years Older

**Authors Notes:** Hi everyone, just a little bit of background on this. Originally I wasn't going to write a fic that touched the Rebuild Universe. Seeing as we don't have the final film yet I wanted to wait until we did before doing anything here but someone did actually ask if I was going to attempt a Post 3.33 fic in a review of The Catalyst and my brain started thinking about what I would do. I didn't want to write anything especially lengthy considering I started writing Catalyst which was a lengthy fic straight after I wrote Human Equation which was also lengthy but I just thought about the journey they'd take back to the Wunder. The conversations they might have along with how their attitudes might change.

I'll try to keep the notes short for this but the name of the fic comes from the solo album of the same name by the frontman of Porcupine Tree - Steven Wilson. The name of the first chapter is a play on the first song of the album which is called First Regret/Three Years Older. My influences in writing the fic were that album along with the Pink Floyd album - The Division Bell.

* * *

She looked across the red wasteland, it was hard to believe that fourteen years ago a once proud city once stood here. Hundreds of thousands of people once inhabited these lands, buildings stretched up into the sky. Battles were won and lost here and now it had all but been reduced to a wasteland. This place had once been a fortress to secure mankind. The home of NERV and their biomechanical weapon Evangelion.

It had taken one day for all of that to change. A decision made by one fourteen year old to try to save one he cared about had changed everything. In his decision he had unwittingly become the trigger for the Third Impact. He had brought the Evangelion into an awakened state, a fate that unbeknownst to her had been his since the day of his birth.

For fourteen years the only life in this place had been the inhabitants of NERV. The chess master who had moved the pieces into place, Gendo Ikari. His subordinate, the Vice Commander and former mentor to Gendo, Kozou Fuyutsuki. The two pilots that had waited in place, the one that looked like Rei Ayanami and the mystery pilot given to them by SEELE, Kaworu Nagisa.

For fourteen years they were stayed awaiting the return of Shinji Ikari. That return had come swiftly and with it had brought life and combat to this land of death once again. Shinji Ikari had been expertly manipulated yet again by his father to nearly start Fourth Impact. It was unknown how it had been averted and right now she didn't care.

She tightened her grip on his hand as she pulled him across the dry and lifeless landscape. Close to them was the being that looked like Rei Ayanami. They had been trekking across this land for around an hour now. The sun was beginning to set bringing with it a coolness to offset the heat from earlier. For that hour all Asuka Langley Shikinami had had to occupy her mind were her own thoughts and the sounds of their footsteps.

Neither Shinji or Rei had said a word, they had simply walked with her. She doubted any of them would. Shinji was obviously too traumatized or scared of Asuka to say anything and she knew Rei wouldn't be able to offer any sort of conversation anyway. This Rei wasn't the original Rei, she was a clone or a clone. Capable only of following orders, nothing more than a drone that was now operating on a pure need to survive.

Asuka should have left her behind. She should have left them both behind back in the entry plug. They would be nothing but a burden on her. All they were capable of doing was delaying her already lengthy trip back to a Lilin encampment. She looked across as shot Shinji a look before pulling his arm again and tightening her grip on his hand.

She didn't need to do either of those, he was capable of walking and matching her pace but she found herself doing it every so often. A means of letting him know who was in charge or trying to provoke some sort of reaction from him. All he had done was stare at the ground, his eyes dulled and his mouth slightly open.

 _'He deserves it, damn brat. Back for barely any time at all and already nearly ending the world again. He's lucky I didn't just leave him behind.'_

She looked across at Rei.

 _'As for you… you're lucky I didn't kill you there and then. Only reason you're alive now is because I know that while you're probably useless to him now you might be useful to us. He'll have just created himself another Ayanami type, we've never gotten our hands on one of you before.'_

She scanned the horizon again, soon it'd be night and the heat of the day would give in to the cold of night. The temperature would drop and walking in their condition could be dangerous. Whilst life didn't inhabit these lands anymore the elements were still as dangerous as ever.

"We stop and make camp here. Get a fire going, set up the tents and resume walking in the morning. We have enough food to last us five days, water about the same. We should reach the encampment before then but if not… well our packs do have an alternative for water but I'd rather not consider that option." She smirked and slid her pack off. There was no reply from any of them.

"Do you both understand?" She asked again.

"Yes." Rei replied.

Asuka nodded and then turned to Shinji. His eyes were still lowered to the ground.

"Do you understand me?"

No reply. Angered by his lack of response she moved closer to him and placed her hand under his chin lifting it so that his eyes were looking directly at her. She focused her working eye onto him.

"I said do you understand me brat?"

"Why do you call him that?"

"What?" Asuka replied, he hand still holding Shinji's head up.

"Why do you not call him by his name?"

"Why should I? After what he has done he is fortunate I let him live. I think calling him a brat is fitting, because that is exactly what he is. A stupid worthless brat who, not content with fucking up this world once was primed to do it once again."

"I see."

Asuka fixed her gaze upon Rei

"What? Does the doll have a problem with that?"

Suddenly just as she turned she felt Shinji suddenly lurch forward, sensing what was about to happen she quickly sidestepped as he dropped to his knees and retched, vomiting what little contents there were in his stomach onto the ground beneath him.

"For fucks sake." Asuka sighed placing a hand on Shinji's shoulder and averting her eyes until he was done. She turned back to him just in time to hear a whimper escape his lips. Grabbing him by his shoulders she pulled him back slightly and looked back across to Rei.

"Well don't just stand there help me clean the brat up will you. Look in his pack, there should be a cloth or something in there and get his water too." She ordered Rei.

Rei immediately complied with her orders and brought both items to Asuka.

"What is wrong with him?" Rei questioned innocently.

Sighing Asuka replied, "Just what he deserves, a healthy dose of guilt that nearly got spewed up onto my new plugsuit."

Asuka took the cloth and lightly wiped around Shinji's mouth, "Hurts doesn't it brat? There will be a lot more of that to come and you deserve it but at least try to keep it in until we reach the Lilin compound. Every time you do that will probably cost us half a days' worth of water and like I'm sure you can use your imagination as to what our alternative source would be."

"I want to die." He mumbled lightly

Angrily she grabbed his chin and forced him to look up at her again.

"Do you? Well tough because I'm not going to fucking let you die. That'd be easy wouldn't it? Convenient? You mess up the world for all of us, return after fourteen years threaten to mess it up again for dying? Well no, I'm going to make sure you stay here, I'm going to make sure you answer for what you've done and I'm going to make sure you see exactly what happened in those years you were missing. Do you understand me?"

"Y-Yes…"

Tears had already begun to form in his eyes before she had snapped at him, now she could see them falling down his face. She had no time for his crying.

"Hand me the water clone-girl."

Once again Rei complied and handed Asuka the water. Unscrewing the cap Asuka forced it into Shinjis mouth and held it in place while he drank it down. Once she had judged he had had enough she pulled it away and screwed the cap back on and let go of his chin.

She glanced down at him again, he was a sorry sight. A broken individual, even more pathetic then he was fourteen years ago. Any trace of that boy had now been lost just as any trace of the people he once knew had been lost. That was the price they all had to pay for his mistake. Now he knew the truth, there was no going back to that life. There was no way to redo it. He was one of them now and Asuka was going to make sure he never got away again.

She pointed at Rei, "Help me set up the tent, we should have basic resources to get a small fire going as well."

"Yes." Came Rei's reply.

Shinji sat and watched unable to move, afraid to move. Afraid to do anything ever again. Most of the walk to this point had been a blur to him. He had been aware of their presence but he had not been able to see any of it, all he could do was endlessly replay the events in his mind since he had woken up. Waking up and being taken to the bridge of the Wunder, seeing the reception he had gotten from the staff on the bridge. Looking up and seeing Misato stood there. Only it wasn't the Misato he knew, it wasn't the cheerful Misato anymore. It was a hardened one who barely acknowledged him. Who told him she had no use for him anymore. A Misato that seemed to hate him.

Rei had rescued him from the Wunder, or so he thought. It wasn't Rei, it wasn't his Rei it was something else. A clone of Rei, who he had discovered was in fact a clone of his mother. He felt his stomach turn at the thought of it. Just what was his father planning?

Then there had been Asuka. The girl he had a strange relationship with. Before he had vanished he had lived with her. He had grown to like her, for all her aggressiveness and obnoxiousness there was something about her that he had been drawn to. Now she hated him as well.

Finally he thought of Kaworu, the boy who had reached out to him and gave him hope when he thought he had lost everything. Only that had been nothing more than an elaborate system of smoke and mirrors as well. Kaworu had been wrong and had paid the price for it. Shinji could still envision the moment the DSS choker had activated.

Suddenly Shinji felt his heart begin to thump in his chest. His stomach turned as he thought of the image again. He tried to think of something else, anything else but each attempt made it more vivid. He tried to catch his breath only to find himself unable to breathe.

 _'Kaworu… I… I should have died… that collar was meant for me… I was to blame for all of this…'_

His vision blurred as a figure moved towards him. He felt a hand on his back slowly rubbing it and another hand taking one of his and squeezing it gently. There was a voice, it sounded like it was miles away but it was there pushing through the noise created by his memories. It was a command, telling him to do something.

"Breathe in slowly."

He tried to comply, pain went through his chest as he took a ragged breath.

"Now breathe out."

Another ragged breath out.

"Good, now again."

His stomach was still churning but in the back of his mind he willed himself to not throw up again. He couldn't, not after the pain of last time. Instead he focused on the familiar voice and breathing. This repeated a couple more times and slowly his vision returned to normal as did his breathing. Slowly he turned to find the source of the voice only to see Asuka glaring down at him.

"Can't leave you alone for five minutes can I, brat? Are you going to let me and Clone-Girl here set up this camp or what?"

Tears were once again falling down his face as he turned to see the clone holding parts of a tent. She was looking at him curiously. No concern on her face just pure curiosity, as if she was studying him. He looked back at Asuka.

"I… I want to help…" He said weakly, his voice barely registering above a whisper. It was the first time he had tried to say anything to them beyond answering all day. His voice was trembling as he spoke.

"Start by not distracting us when we're trying to set up the camp then."

"Sorry."

"If you want to do something… then open these up. Using a tin-opener is probably the only thing you're good for at the moment as it is."

She reached into pack and pulled out three small coloured tins and a basic tin-opener and flung them into Shinji's lap before standing back up and returning to set up the tent.

 **Late Evening**

Asuka shifted uncomfortably in the sleeping bag before eventually giving up and sitting up. Asuka knew sleep would not come easily. Sleeping in a plugsuit was uncomfortable enough especially when added in with the hardened and uneven ground. She was too on edge unable to trust either of the two she was with. The horror of what she had witnessed earlier was starting to set in as well. When Third Impact had come she had been comatose for it, she hadn't witnessed it first-hand. She had nearly witnessed Fourth Impact though. She had seen the black moon rise from its resting place deep under NERV. She saw the souls fly into it. Those screams were buried in her mind now and the images were starting to play.

She looked around the tent, to her immediate right was the sleeping form of Shinji and next to that an empty space for the clone. Making sure to not disturb Shinji, Asuka quickly made her way out of the tent clutching a small flashlight to be used as a weapon. The clone had escaped, she knew it had been a mistake to trust her. She should have killed her there and then.

She left the tent and looked around, barely ten feet from the tent was the target. She was still and looking up pensively at the night sky.

"Unable to sleep are we?"

For a moment the clone stood there and finally it dropped its head to look at Asuka. It spoke, "I was unable to reach a desired state of relaxation. My body feels tired but my mind is in a cycle."

Asuka smirked, "A simple yes would have sufficed but seeing as I'm hardly able to sleep right now I guess I'll indulge you. What is your problem?"

"I do not know who or what I am anymore."

Asuka couldn't help but grin at the reply, "How very philosophical of you. Who do you think you are?"

"Until today I thought I was Rei Ayanami. Yet now I know there was another Rei Ayanami before me, a real Rei Ayanami. So I question whether or not I am real and what my purpose is if I am not Rei Ayanami."

Asuka simply nodded, "Want the truth?"

"Yes"

"You're not the real Rei Ayanami, there isn't a real Rei Ayanami. Even the original is just a clone of someone else. That's all you lot are, just dolls brought to life in someone else's image. Made to fulfil some maniacs grand scheme that I don't think even he is fully aware of yet."

"I see."

"In fact being honest I don't even know which version of Rei Ayanami you'll be. You're an early lot of the Ayanami series so maybe seventh or eighth but it could be higher than that. Who knows how many he made of you beforehand and how many there are to replace you."

"I… I am just a doll."

Asuka nodded standing alongside the clone. "Yes, yes you are, how does that make you feel?"

"I do not know… how should I feel?"

"Are you stupid? Do you need me to give you orders on how to feel? Okay well you should be angry or upset or something? Or does he not program you with emotions? You know he gave the original Ayanami emotions, of course emotions will just get in the way won't they. Probably stripped them out of your series."

As Asuka finished her sentence the clone turned to face her and locked her eyes straight into Asuka's grinning face. Asuka couldn't tell if the clone was upset or hurt by her comments. She didn't really care either. She had to see what this clone was capable of, what was lying under its hood. Finally the clone spoke

"I… I do not feel like having this conversation any longer."

"Touched a nerve have I?"

"I-"

Without finishing her sentence she moved past Asuka back into the tent. Asuka simply stood outside and thought to herself.

 _'So there is something in there after all. You know between the Brat and Miss Existential Crisis in there this is going to be some journey.'_

After five minutes of standing outside and watching the night sky she allowed herself to yawn and quietly made her way back into the tent. She was sure she saw Shinji's head move ever so slightly as she entered. Had he been awake all this time? Had he heard the entire exchange? Next to him Rei had seemingly fallen asleep. She entered her own sleeping bag next to Shinji and watched him for a moment. He was still awake, she was sure of it. She could see him tense up as she moved. He was terrified of her.

She thought back to a time fourteen years ago. She had been unable to sleep in that apartment and in a moment of weakness had went into Shinji's room. She had lain down beside him and for one of the first times in her life had had a good night's sleep. She hadn't slept well since that night. Now he was here again. She hated him for what he had done both fourteen years ago and just earlier that day. Yet in her tired state curiosity was starting to get the better of her. She shivered in her sleeping bag. Her plugsuit was thinner than the others, a lack of good material to make them at Wille.

Slowly she edged herself closer to his form until she could feel the warmth from his sleeping back. She reached out a hand and placed it on his side and instantly felt him tense up again. She didn't care. Asuka was cold, she was tired and when she closed her eyes, despite all the hell she had been through in that day, despite the danger they were in right now, she somehow managed to have the first good night's sleep she had had in fourteen years.


	2. Regret No9

Asuka, much to her surprise was the first to wake up. It would be around 0630 AM now, she had nothing to tell her that but she knew it. She had had nearly fourteen years of waking up at that exact time. Still she was surprised that she was the first to wake up. She had expected Shinji or the clone to have woken up before her. She sat up being careful to not wake the others and glanced down at Shinji.

He hadn't changed from that kid he was fourteen years ago. It was to be expected but she hated it. She hated that the last time she had seen him was before the Unit 03 activation test and when she woke up her entire world had changed because of him. Hated that she had had to live through fourteen years of war and struggling to survive. Hated that he thought he could just return and walk back into their lives. She hated that he hadn't been there for any of it.

She was going to make sure he knew how much she hated all of it. She had been bottling up that hatred for him for all those years and now he was back she could unleash it. Especially after yesterday's stunt. He had been back for barely a few days and already nearly ended the world again. All because of his father, the only person Asuka hated more than Shinji at this point in time.

Next she glanced across at the clone. She didn't hate the clone, it was hard to hate a tool. If anything she pitied the clone. It had no purpose anymore, it had been discarded by its creator and had nothing. It wasn't even aware of what it was anymore. It was hard to hate something that didn't even know what it was. She had wondered for a moment if it might have been worth killing it back when she rescued Shinji. There was always the risk that it'd still have some connection to NERV but just like Asuka couldn't leave Shinji behind she couldn't do that either.

Clone or not, doll or human, Asuka wasn't a murdered. Besides, the clone might be useful.

Quietly she reached over for her measurement device. After a quick look at the readings she concluded that the L Barrier density was still too high. They would have to do a lot of walking today and probably over the next couple of days before they were in a safe place for other Lilin to pick them up.

Deciding that it'd be best to start moving now and placed a hand on Shinji's shoulders and shook him firmly. His eyes flickered open immediately and she glared as he took in his surroundings. Finally his eyes met hers.

"A-Asuka..."

"Captain Shikinami." She corrected him.

"Get up. Go do what you need to do. We get water, breakfast and then leave."

"W-Where are we-"

"I don't have time for your questions, just do it."

Without any further words he simply nodded and left the tent. Now Asuka glared at Rei before repeating the process of waking her up.

"Captain Shikinami."

"Good you got it right. We're leaving soon. Help me get this tent packed away."

"Yes."

XXX

Shinji had not had a good night's sleep. He had slept through sheer exhaustion alone but all night he had been haunted by nightmares. First it had been Kaworu in the entry plug. Him watching on helplessly as his only friend in this cruel world had died so horrifically. Then it had been the moment he had woken up on the Wunder and seen Misato again.

He had dreamed that Misato had said the exact same words to him as she had before only instead of just leaving him she had pulled out a gun, aimed it at Shinji and shot him. Only the bullet hadn't hit Shinji, it had been stopped by Kaworu who took the bullet for him. Just like Kaworu had taken the DSS Choker from Shinji.

Finally there had been a third nightmare. On in which he was reliving the events of fourteen years ago. He was in his old plugsuit and in Evangelion Unit 01. He was watching over a mountain range as a lone figure stepped into view. The figure of Unit 03 possessed by the Angel. He tried to fight it this time, tried to reach out to stop it. Tried to force the Entry Plug out to free Asuka. If only he could have done that then maybe, just maybe the world wouldn't have gone to hell like it did. If she had been saved he wouldn't have quit NERV. Asuka would have been able to pilot Unit 02 alongside him and Rei. They could have beaten the Angel without everything happening the way it did.

Except even in his dreams that wasn't possible. No matter what he did the Dummy Plug was activated. Evangelion Unit 01 still destroyed Unit 03 in the same way and Asuka was still injured in the same way. Most chillingly was when she appeared behind him in his Entry Plug as she was now. A tattered plugsuit, her eyepatch on and a bandage on her arm. She pointed at her eye.

 _"You're responsible for this Shinji. You're the reason for all of this. It's all your fault."_

It was these images that kept on playing through his head as he forced down the tasteless nutrient based food from the can all the while praying that it wouldn't come back up. He kept his gaze low, averted from Asuka and trying not to look at the clone that was sat silently next to him. The thing that he had thought was Rei Ayanami was nothing more than a facsimile created by his father. The original Rei Ayanami was also nothing more than that but she had been something, she had been someone with her own thoughts and feelings and ideas. What was next to him not was less than a person, something just made to follow orders. He hated it.

He wanted his Rei back, the one he had saved fourteen years ago. He knew he had saved her, knew that she was still there within Unit 01, no matter what Misato, Asuka, Akagi or any of the others told him. He had to have saved her. Still none of that mattered now, he had no idea what Misato would say or do to him when or if they eventually returned to the Wunder.

He was, for the first time, scared of Misato. When he had first met her he was nervous, even a little bit apprehensive around the woman. He had pushed her away fearing being hurt but slowly he had allowed her in. He had come to appreciate, if not love the woman who acted as his guardian. She was the closest thing to a mother he had ever had. The woman he had met when he woke up wasn't that same person.

This world was not the one he knew. Not anymore and it was setting in that he would have to get used to that fact. He'd have to adapt to this new world, if they would let him. As it was he wouldn't blame Misato for shooting him on sight after what had happened. He finished what was left of the nutrient paste and looked around. Asuka was standing by the tent beginning to take it down. The clone was stood nearby watching.

His stomach churned again as he looked at Asuka and her eyepatch, he remembered the dream from last night. About how he couldn't save her. He thought about how she was when she first saw him again. He took a deep breath just as she turned.

"Oh great, the brats gone pale again. Not going to be sick again are you?"

Shinji swallowed and shook his head.

"Good because we can't afford to waste any more water on your guilt."

"S-Sorry."

"Whatever."

He paused watching her working out the best way to dismantle the tent.

"Asuk-"

She turned at the sound of his voice and raised an eyebrow.

"Captain Shikinami" he said.

"Better. What is it?"

"C-Can… I help?"

He glared at him thinking it over before finally nodding.

"Sure, I guess taking a tent down is one of the few things you can probably do. Just don't try to start another Impact or something. Two in my lifetime is enough."

"S-Sorry…" he muttered.

"That was a joke by the way, just get over here and help me bring this down. You, clone girl." She pointed at the clone.

"Yes."

"Start packing some of the stuff into our bags. We move out as soon as this is done. I don't want to hang around here any longer than is necessary."

"Yes."

XXX

Rei Ayanami was her name, of that she knew but she was no longer sure if she was in fact Rei Ayanami. The others, they spoke of a Rei Ayanami that come before her, that was real. If that Rei Ayanami was real and was before her then what did this mean that she was not in fact real? Or did this mean that she was not in fact Rei Ayanami and was someone else. If this was the case then who was she?

The man, the Commander he had always called her Rei. He had told her that her name was Rei Ayanami, he wouldn't like about that would he? He had been the one who gave her what she needed to live, he was the one who gave her purpose. What of the others? Of the boy named Nagisa, he called her Rei Ayanami and the other one, the older man he too called her Rei. So that meant she must have been Rei Ayanami.

Yet the two here, they said she was not Rei Ayanami. They told her she was something else, just a copy of Rei Ayanami. A tool made to follow orders and nothing more. No more than an emotionless doll.

She had contemplated these word and not known how to act upon them. No one had ordered her on what to say or do in this situation. No one had ordered her on what to do about the feelings she felt when she heard those words or the burning sensation in her throat and eyes when she heard people tell her she wasn't real.

She was real, she could see and feel and touch and smell and she could think. Therefore she had to be real. She was Rei, she had to have been. That is what she had always known, they wouldn't have lied to her would they?

Yet the boy, Shinji Ikari he seemed to know Rei and his image of Rei did not match up with what she knew. So there was a chance that she wasn't Rei? Or maybe she was but now there was a piece missing. That must be it, she had always felt that. An emptiness within her, a feeling of being incomplete. It had been there from the beginning when he had told her that her name was Rei Ayanami.

Yet she couldn't break out of this cycle of questioning it. No one had presented her with a scenario like this before. No one had ordered her on what to do in this situation. All she knew was waiting for orders and carrying them out. Now there was nothing. Now there was just pain as she wondered who or what she really was.

XXX

They were walking back through the desolate landscape once again. Every so often Asuka would pull out a scanner to check the L Barrier Density and also ensure they were still going in the same direction. This land was dead, just like the majority of the planet, Third Impact had seen to that. If Shinji felt bad now, Asuka could only imagine how he would feel when he learned the rest of it. It probably would have been better if he hadn't returned.

Still she was curious. Why had Shinji returned to them? After fourteen years what had brought him back to them. It hadn't been their first recovery attempt. There had been two attempts previous to him that had ended in failure. This attempt had brought back the real Shinji, Asuka knew it was the real Shinji despite the others insistence on referring to him as BM-03.

She looked across to Shinji he was facing ahead. He seemed much more alive today than yesterday at least. His eyes no longer had that glazed over look to them. He hadn't said anything beyond offering to help earlier that morning. The clone had of course not said anything either beyond affirmative responses to Asuka asking her to do something.

"So Brat." She spoke as they continued walking. She looked for his reaction seeing his eyes widen at addressing him and feeling his hand tighten around hers.

"Why did you come back anyway? Why now? Why not earlier? In fact why come back at all?"

Shinji had been wondering about the answer to that ever since he did wake up. He had no idea why he had woken up at that moment. He had no recollection of what had happened in that span of time since he forced Unit 01 into an awakened state. All he could remember was hearing someone calling for him and then he woke up on the Wunder.

"I-I don't know." He replied.

"No, of course you don't. I should have expected as much."

"I… I remember someone calling my name and asking for my help and then, there was a bright light before I woke up on the Wunder."

Asuka looked away to hide her reaction. He had heard her calling for him! That was her he was talking about. It had to have been.

"Someone calling for you? Do you know who it was?"

She watched as he shook his head, "I… don't remember I just know it was someone I really cared about. It… When I heard it I had to help them… and save them…"

"Someone you care about huh? Must have been someone special to wake you up for a fourteen year slumber in orbit."

He thought about the voice he had heard for a moment. It was definitely familiar but his memory of it was hazy. All he could remember was that the event had happened.

"It… it doesn't matter now. It was probably just a trick, probably my father using something to wake me up and trick me. Just like he did when he used Rei's image to get me to go to NERV." He looked up angrily and concluded, "I shouldn't have come back."

"Why do you say that?"

Asuka was for once thankful for the clones' interruption just so that she would be able to hide her reaction to Shinji's words. He thought that it was a trick by his father, just an illusion to get him to wake up. He couldn't figure out that the person was her. It hurt. She had been convinced she hated him and that she was going to be the one to make him answer for what he had done. She was going to be the one to get him back and he was going to know it. She had been true to her word and he didn't know it was her at all.

"What do you mean?" He responded to the clone.

"I am curious as to why you wish you had not come back?"

"It doesn't matter." He snapped back having no desire to address the thing any more.

"I see."

He stopped in his tracks at her response and Asuka felt him wrench his hand away from hers. He looked up directly into Rei's eyes.

"No you don't! You don't see anything! You don't understand anything! You aren't anything! You're…"

Without any warning he lurched forward towards the clone his hands going immediately for her throat. The clone offered no resistance allowing itself to be grabbed by Shinji. She felt pain and an inability to breathe as his hand tightened around her throat. She didn't know what she should do in this situation, should she defend herself? No one had told her what she should do in this situation.

Shinji started to scream at her, his eyes filled with tears and his hands tightening with each word. "I hate you! You… you and my father! You made me do those things, you made me… you made me kill Kaworu! You-"

Pain shot through him as he felt a fist collide with his mid-section. A hand went up to his shoulder as he was pushed back onto the ground before feeling the full weight of his attacker on top of him. Through blurred vision the image of Asuka glaring down at him started to fill his sight. Her working eye fixed upon him, her hands pinning his shoulders down and her knee across his chest.

"Idiot, do not make me do that again. I don't have the time or energy to clean up after your tantrums, do you understand me?"

"I-I…"

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" She yelled at him.

"Yes… sorry."

Keeping Shinji firmly in place she turned to look at the clone, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, "Yes."

"Why did you not defend yourself from him?"

"I… I was not ordered to."

Asuka felt Shinji twitch underneath her and in response shoved him back down with force.

"You weren't ordered to defend yourself if someone attacked you?" Asuka questioned her.

"Only inside the Eva because of the value of the Eva. If I was ever hurt I could be replaced."

She didn't need to as Shinji had already resigned himself to not being able to free himself from her grasp but Asuka was sure to tighten her grip on him when the clone responded. This was worse than Asuka had thought, she knew the clone had issues but it was worse than she had imagined.

"If you haven't been ordered to survive then why are you here with us now?"

"I… I do not know."

"If I ordered you to stay here would you do it?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I… I do not know."

"Then you're useless to us then, if you can't defend yourself unless ordered then what will you do if me or the brat here are incapacitated? Are you just going to let your attacker kill you to because no one is there to give you orders?"

"I…"

"This ends now. I admit, I detest you for who you are, for the sins of your previous model and because of your creator. I detest this idiot here because of what he has done and because he seems to have a wish to keep on doing stupid things but I am going to make sure the three of us make it back to the Wunder alive. Am I understood?"

"Yes."

"That means you defend yourself when attacked, it means you look out for the safety of me and the brat here and yourself."

"Yes."

"That isn't an order, I might be a Captain but I don't have authority over you. You have to do this because you want to survive. Do you want to survive?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then make sure you start acting like it."

The clone nodded and Asuka fixed her eye on Shinji once more and pressed her knee into his chest. "As for you…"

"I'm… I'm sorry."

"Try… for once in your life actually thinking about what you're going to do before you do it. Did you really want to kill her? Are you really a murderer?"

He shook his head, "No… I'm not. I… I'm really sorry. I'm not a murder Asuka, I… I never wanted to hurt anyone. Please… I didn't."

Asuka leaned in to him and whispered, "I know."

She finally released her grip on him and stood up extending a hand to him, "Now get up Shinji. I promised I'd take the two of you home and I don't break my promises."

He grabbed her hand and felt her pull him back up to his feet. Turning he saw the clone looking at him. It spoke.

"I am sorry for upsetting you Ikari."

He wiped one of the tears away from his eyes, "No… I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you did I?"

"It… I will be alright."

"Good." He felt himself glowing red at his outburst. Asuka was right, he needed to think before he acted. It wasn't the clone's fault she was what she was. It was his father who had done that. She was a victim in this too. "Would… would it be alright to call you Rei?"

"That would be suitable yes."

Rei Ayanami watched as Asuka once again took Shinji by the hand, she had observed this ritual three times since they had started their journey. Yesterday it made sense to her, Shinji was not capable of moving of his own volition. He needed someone to guide him. Yet today he did not seem to have those difficulties. Yet Shikinami continued to hold his hand as they walked. It made her very curious, did Shikinami get something from this?

Before following she reached up to her throat where Shinji had attacked her. New feelings had emerged from these events that she was trying to process. In that moment she had felt afraid, that Shinji would kill her. She did not want to die, she wanted to live. Even in a world where everyone hated her she wanted to live so that she could learn who she was.

Another new feeling had emerged when Shikinami had saved her. Relief perhaps, there was a happiness though. Shinji had called her Rei. Maybe she was Rei Ayanami after all.

* * *

 **Authors Notes:**  
Title for this chapter is again from the album .Erase, I think in a way it kinda fits all of the characters. How many regrets must Shinji or indeed the others have clocked up by now? Nine is probably a low number.

Writing for Rei is fairly difficult as it's something I don't and haven't practiced enough. I'd like to think I'm getting things right here. Rei Q is something of a very blank canvas so I can play around quite a lot but obviously I want to keep her in line with what Rei is/was. So I'm keeping her dialogue economical, I'm also trying to play off of the 'only doing things because I'm ordered to' line.


	3. Keep Talking

It was still dark when Shinji woke up. He looked around the tent. Rei was lying some distance away from him facing away from them. Asuka was however closer with her arm draped across him. He gently moved it off of him as he sat up, his bladder calling him to relieve himself.

Slowly and quietly he made his way out of the tent to the small section of debris they had designated as a bathroom for privacy and began to remove his plugsuit. It was one of the inconveniences of the journey that they had to remove their plugsuits if they needed to answer the call of nature. He could however imagine things were likely to be much more awkward for Asuka and Rei than for him.

Finally when he was done he began the process of putting the suit back on again. He didn't bother with the catch to tighten it. There was no point. It only made it harder to sleep. As he rounded back towards the tent he looked up at the stars. Without any light pollution from civilization they could all be seen so clearly. An endless sea of stars spanning across and endless void.

He took the time to trace in his mind a number of constellations.

The last time he had looked up at the stars like this was with Kaworu. They had been playing the piano again and Shinji had asked if Kaworu had wished to look up at the stars with him. Shinji had told the silver haired boy that he had enjoyed looking at the stars. It helped keep him calm and in a way ground him.

Kaworu had mused to him that the stars were in many ways a reflection of who Shinji was. Shinji feared change and the pain it could potentially bring. The stars were one thing that never changed, they were always out there.

Shinji knew deep that that it wasn't strictly true that nothing had changed out there it was a slow and gradual change to their eyes but the stars did change. Stars died over time and new ones were born. Yet it always looked the same to Shinji.

Even now with his last memory of this activity being with Kaworu it was helping to keep him calm. Shinji felt strange when he thought about Kaworu and what he had witnessed happen to the boy. Kaworu was the only person to have shown him genuine kindness, the only person he could call a friend and now he had been taken away from Shinji.

 _'It was my fault... I didn't listen to him. Asuka is right, I'm an idiot.'_

All Shinji had wanted to do was try to put things right, to try to get them to like him again and to try to be needed again. He looked back upwards scanning the horizon. The air was still, no breezes were blowing through.

 _'After fourteen years the only thing that had stayed the same has been them.'_

Just at that moment a single star appeared to fall from the sky. Shinji couldn't help but smile as he saw it, a shooting star the first he had seen in a very long time. Back in Tokyo-3 he rarely got the chance to look at the stars, the light from the buildings made them harder to see. The last time he had seen a shooting star was before he moved to Tokyo-3. He thought for a moment about the folklore behind shooting stars. It seemed stupid but he closed his eyes and made a wish. It wouldn't come true but it seemed harmless.

As he finally opened his eyes he saw another flash. This one was closer to the ground and much more intense than the shooting star. This was followed by another flash and another. He looked out and saw that there were three lights off in the distance. The three of them were high above the ground and seemed to be coming towards them.

He tensed up realizing that something was very wrong with this. Willing himself to move he dashed back inside the tent. Without any further hesitation he started to shake Asuka by the shoulder.

"Asu- Captain Shikinami…"

She groggily opened her eyes, "W-What is it Shinji?"

"Something… somethings outside, coming towards us."

Shinji half expected her to call him an idiot or blame his imagination. Instead, much to his surprise she pulled out one of her measurement tools and after a few seconds of checking snapped it shut.

He eyes widened as she spoke, "Shit, Nemesis Series are close. Wake up Rei and meet me outside."

"N-Nemesis Series? What ar-"

Asuka gave no time for him to finish his question, instead cutting him off almost immediately. "We don't have time for your questions, just do it."

"Y-Yes…" he nodded opting to follow her instructions.

Asuka grabbed another device from her pack and dashed out of the tent looking forwards the three lights heading towards them. She tapped a few buttons on the device and placed it down on the ground just as Shinji and Rei emerged from the tent.

"You two, face down on the ground next to me. We have three of the Nemesis Series coming towards us. Probably scouts but we can't rule out them looking for us." She looked at Rei as she said the words.

"We should be able to scramble their sensors, make them think there is nothing here. Its experimental technology but it should work. We just have to remain as still as we can, so lie face down, do not move and do not speak. Understood?"

Rei nodded.

Asuka turned to Shinji, "What ar-"

"Shinji!"

"Sorry."

Shinji shut up immediately and followed Asuka's example of lying face down near to the device Asuka had planted. He could hear the three Nemesis Units nearing their position now. They were emitting a low machine-like drone.

He started to take deep breaths as his heart bagan to pound in his chest. He turned his head slightly to see Asuka looking straight at him. Her gaze was fixed on him yet her mouth was curled into a warm reassuring smile. Without any words she was telling him that they would get through this. He noticed that she too was taking the same deep breaths in sync with him.

Was she just as scared as he was? He suddenly felt her hand in his. Her fingers intertwined with his as three separate spotlights from the Units started to pass over them. Asuka's hand tightened instinctively around his as the lights continued to scan the entire area.

They would pass over their bodies slowly and then trace the entirety of their small campsite. Shinji felt the heat from the searchlight as it passed over him. Two of the Units could be seen moving off into the distance but one remained above them.

Shinji held his breath as its light shone directly onto him once again. The Unit it belonged to shifted its position directly above all three of their bodies where it remained for what seemed like an eternity.

He began to wonder if maybe it had spotted them? The experimental device that Asuka said would jam their sensors might have failed. He began to wonder what would happen if they were caught?

Realizing that he knew nothing of the Nemesis Series, were they man-made or something else? Products of NERV and his father? There were so many unanswered questions about this world. So many unknowns.

He swallowed as the area around him continued to be illuminated completely by the Nemesis Units searchlight. He could see Asuka's eye looking around frantically, her hand tightening around his even more to the point that it hurt.

His own eyes looked upwards towards the Unit. It was still directly above them and lowering itself. He could begin make out some of its features.

It was mostly comprised of a large disc-like body with a radius of maybe four or so metres. From the middle of the body extending outwards of It were two sharpened prongs each measuring around seven and a half metres. To Shinji it looked similar to a twisted version of a starship from an old Science Fiction show he used to watch as a child.

On the middle of the bottom of the disc was the searchlight but around it was a circular pattern made up of triangles, within each one sat what looked like an eye.

He felt sweat start to trickle down his face from the heat the Unit was giving off. Shinji resisted the urge to shift his body due to the growing discomfort from lying on the ground. Instead he did exactly what Asuka had told him, remained as perfectly still as he could. Between them and the Unit he could see a thin octagonal orange flicker from the devices A.T. Field.

Shinji began to count how long it remained above them. Ten seconds turned into twenty, twenty into thirty and thirty into a minute. Finally after two and a half minutes the Unit started to move upwards once more before speeding off into the distance to resume the other members of its group.

Somehow they had survived. The device had worked. He was sure he even heard Rei breathing a sigh of relief as the three of them scrambled to their feet. He was trembling as he saw Asuka looking off in the distance, her face had turned incredibly pale.

"It worked… we're still alive, somehow." she sighed in relief.

"Captain Shikinami."

She turned as he addressed her, "I guess you did a good job Shinji, good spot. Without you they'd have gotten us."

"T-Thank you captain." Shinji stammered out. His body still trembling in fear.

"Asuka." Her reply came swiftly.

"What?" Shinji questioned her.

"My name is Asuka, I gave you permission to call me it, or don't you remember?"

Shinji nodded and smiled as he thought back to that time. She had come into his room just after the battle against the falling Angel. His hands had been bandaged at the time from the fight and she had asked if she could spend the night in there. She had said he could call her Asuka.

"I… I do remember. Thank you Asuka."

Asuka turned to Rei, "You may as well call me Asuka too. You're not under my command so it's not like rank matters. Make no mistake though, I'm still in charge here. You two are technically prisoners of WILLE"

"I will do that." Rei replied, as ever in an economical fashion.

"We shouldn't stay here any longer. I know it's earlier than expected but we don't know if we just got lucky that one time. We should start moving. Rei nodded to her instructions and went back into the tent. Shinji began to move but stopped when he felt Asuka grabbing him by the wrist.

"Asuka…" He turned to see her with her head bowed, looking towards the ground. For a time she said nothing but then her voice came slowly and quietly.

"It was me."

"Huh?" He replied.

"The voice you heard before you woke up. It was my voice asking you to help me. I was on a mission to retrieve Unit 01 from orbit. I got hold of the satellite it was in and began to transport it when we were attacked by one of the Nemesis series, a 4B to be precise. I yelled out for you to help me and then… well Unit 01 woke up destroyed the 4B and then we found you inside."

"I… Asuka…" Shinji trailed off, not completely sure what to say to that. He had remembered hearing a voice before he had woken up but he wasn't sure what it could be. Why had Asuka yelled for him to help her?

"Don't think this means I forgive you Shinji, there is a lot you have to answer for. I can't forgive you, not yet and nor can anyone else. Not for a long time, do you understand?"

Shinji nodded, "Yeah… I do."

Asuka watched as he ducked back into the tent and gave herself some time to calm down from what had just happened. They were safe for now, if Shinji hadn't have spotted them coming when he did they surely would have died, they had gotten lucky. They had nothing to warn them earlier about potential threats either. Maybe next night they could make use of a guard system. Have them take turns to stand watch. It wasn't ideal but it could work.

She eyes followed Shinji as she saw his figure in the tent packing away his stuff. She had been so sure in her hatred of him. All those years she had blamed him for what had happened. Said she would be unable to forgive him for what he had done. Suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore. It was just like her arrival in Tokyo-3 all over again. Going from not needing anyone to wanting someone.

When she had woke up and found out what had happened to the world and to Shinji she had made a vow. To not let anyone in ever again, she hadn't needed anyone or anything ever again. She could take care of herself. Aside from a few desperate and experimental nights with Mari she had stayed true to those words. Those had been few and far between though, neither had an interest in any sort of relationship it was just physical.

 _'Damn you Shinji Ikari. How can you do this to me again?'_

XXX

Asuka was staring out across the darkened landscape, her eye struggling to remain open. There was nothing out there. No movement or activity. It was mostly flat aside from a few sections of scattered debris. They had long since left the limits of what was Tokyo-3. Where exactly they were she couldn't say, they didn't have maps of the old world anymore. There was no need.

This could have once been a small town, population of a couple of thousand or so. Where they were camping could have once been someone's home, or a school or a shop. It could have thrived with life once but now it was just flat land, scattered debris and a smattering of red dust.

She pulled her legs up to her chest and shivered trying to capture whatever warmth she could from the campfire. The flames flickered as a gentle breeze blew through the area. She looked up towards the sky viewing the stars. Only a few weeks ago she was up there in Unit 02. The third attempt to rescue Shinji Ikari. She hadn't stopped to really think about that. For years her species had longed to be amongst the stars, and she had now joined the ranks of the few who had achieved it.

Once upon a time that might have been a cause for celebration, now there was nothing. There was no world to celebrate her success. There was no pride felt when she got him back. Just a confusing mixture of anger, hatred and happiness at recovering him.

Their journey today had been uneventful. After what had happened yesterday between Shinji and Rei she had kept an eye on the two of them making sure she walked in the middle of them and keeping Shinji closer to her than usual. She didn't want a repeat of what had happened yesterday. Truth be told her body was beginning to run on fumes, if Shinji snapped again she might not have the strength to pull him off of Rei.

Fortunately aside from the appearance of the three members of the Nemesis series nothing had happened. Neither provided any conversation but it was likely for the best.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned wishing she had something to occupy her mind. She had opted to go second in their guarding of the camp. Shinji would watch for the first few hours, then Asuka and finally Rei. As it was nothing had appeared all night. She checked her scanner again. The L Barrier Density was starting to go down. By the end of the next day, if they got lucky, they would be within scanning range. Search parties from the outpost or even the Wunder might be able to pick them up.

She'd finally be able to get out of this plugsuit properly then and take a shower. She'd be able to eat some real food and even use a real bathroom rather than squat behind a rock like an animal. It was weird for her to think that the Asuka of fourteen years ago wouldn't have considered doing anything like that. That Asuka of fourteen years ago only had the Eva to concern herself with, she didn't have to worry about going on supply runs or keeping people alive. She could pilot and then shut away the rest of the world.

A tap on her shoulder startled her and brought her out of her reverie. She turned and looked up to see Rei standing there.

"Oh it's you Rei. Is it that time already, I was starting to have so much fun as well." She said to her.

"Yes. You should get some sleep now."

"To the point as well. Yeah, I will."

Asuka stood up and patted Rei on the shoulder before starting back towards the tent. She got half way before Rei spoke again.

"Captain Shikinami… Asuka, I was curious. Why do you and Ikari call me Rei Ayanami now when you said before that I was not Rei?"

Rei had been contemplating this since being attacked the previous day. In that one moment both Shinji and Asuka had started calling her Rei despite before seemingly going to great lengths to not call her that. As far as Rei could see nothing had changed, so why did they alter their naming of her. Especially if they believed she was not Rei Ayanami.

Asuka simply smiled, "In the brats' case it's probably guilt. He realizes what he said to you was unfair, it isn't your fault you look like the Rei Ayanami he once knew. He also realizes how stupid it was to attack you so he's calling you Rei as a way of making up for that."

"And what about you?" Rei asked.

"It's easier than calling you clone-girl all the time." Asuka replied simply.

"I see. Then I still do not know who I am." Rei replied. There was a hint of sadness to the blue haired girls words.

 _'You and me both'_ Asuka thought to her self.

Rei turned away from her and looked straight ahead like some sort of sentry robot from a science fiction film. Asuka shook her head and sighed before moving back into the tent. She wasn't really sure how to handle Rei at this moment in time. Rei was technically their enemy, Asuka should by all rights hate the girl. She shouldn't have allowed her to join with them. Yet she had done.

Once inside she saw Shinji was sitting up rubbing his red ringed eyes, the boy had been crying again. When he saw her he looked away trying to hide that fact.

"You're awake." She stated.

He nodded, "Yeah I…"

"Bad dream?"

He sighed, there was no point in hiding it from her. "Yeah."

"There will be a lot more of them to come."

"I know." He said dejectedly.

"Well at least try to get some more sleep. We're nearing our destination but we still have another day and a half of walking I imagine as well as your guard duty tomorrow night so you'll need your strength. I don't want you missing anything important."

"I… I'll try." He gave a small nod before rolling back onto his side and shutting his eyes.

She sighed and climbed into the sleeping bag beside him. Almost instantly her hand reached out to the same place it had done for the past two evenings and rested on his stomach.

"A-Asuka…"

"Mm hmm."

"What… What's going to happen to me when we get back to the Wunder?"

She opened her eyes back up and looked at him. His eyes were fixed on her and she recognized the fear within them. It was something she hadn't thought about yet. Her focus had been on them surviving and getting back she hadn't thought about the next step.

Misato not shown any emotion when Shinji had been taken from them. She had just ordered them to prepare to attack NERV with no mention of what to do with Shinji when found. WILLE would probably imprison him again and question him on what he knew. He might be dumped off at an outpost somewhere or Misato might want to keep him close by based on what he was capable of. It was hard to say.

As for Rei, she was not a part of the mission. She was a member of NERV and therefore an enemy. She would be seen as such yet if she co-operated she might be useful. She'd likely be imprisoned too.

Finally Asuka spoke, as honestly as she could but unable to bring her voice above a whisper.

"I don't know."

"I see." he turned away from her and looked across at the empty space that Rei occupied earlier.

"You'll both probably be imprisoned, maybe kept on board the Wunder. It depends on how much of a danger they deem you both to be. Based on your track record so far I'm going with very dangerous." She told him.

After a brief pause Asuka continued to speak, "If you co-operate you might be allowed some personal quarters eventually but I wouldn't count on it. You'll probably be deposited at an outpost and kept in quarantine there."

"I understand. So… I won't see you again?"

She frowned as he lay back down and closed his eyes. After all that his concern was not seeing her again? Why would he want to see her? Didn't he realize how much she hated him? She looked down at her hand resting on his stomach and sighed again.

"Look… when we get back I'll speak to Katsuragi alright. God knows why I'm doing this but I'll explain what happened. I'll explain the circumstances and see if you can stay on board but… and this is but, if you do anything to fuck it up I will ensure you won't get another chance."

He rolled back over onto his back.

"I… Thank you Asuka."

There was a pause for a moment as she just stared into the back of his head. She tried closing her eyes but every time she did she immediately reopened them just to look at him. She had focused so much effort over these years on hating the image of Shinji Ikari, planning out what she would do when he would return and picturing every punch and kick she would land to his body.

None of that had happened though. Aside from her outburst near to his cell she had not yelled at him half as much as she had planned to nor had she hit him like planned. She was instead lying next to him, her arm draped across him and seeking comfort from him when she slept. She didn't know who she hated more, him or herself for failing to carry out what she said she would.

They remained silent for a moment and she felt something across her hand. It was his hand slowly running his fingers across it before holding onto it.

"I… I'm really sorry about what happened to you Asuka. I wish… I wish I could make things right somehow."

Her fingers intertwined with his, "You can't."

She spoke the words softly, there was no hatred in them. There was no malice, just a simple stating of a fact. She had to get him to know that he wouldn't be able to make up for what had happened.

"I know that, I know I can't but… I can't just do nothing." His voice was raised as he spoke, almost pleading with her.

She shot back to him angrily. "Yes, yes you can! You don't get it do you? You… the way this world is, I know you didn't intend to do it, we all know that but you are to blame and it's because of how you acted on that day. We can't allow you to do anything Shinji. Half of those people on the Wunder grew up in this world, they were children when Third Impact occurred and the rest of us… we were…"

"I… I didn't mean to… I just wanted to save Rei and… I…" A loud sob escaped him as Asuka watched on.

"And when you came back you couldn't trust us, we tried to warn you and you just went against us. You nearly did it again Shinji…"

"But… you all… you never explain-"

He spoke through the sobs. Tears freely streaming down his face now. She studied him for a moment wondering if maybe she should stop but she kept going. It was time for him to hear this no matter how much it hurt him.

"They tried but before they got a chance to your bastard of a father attacked us and you blindly followed Rei without thinking. Did you not listen to a word anyone said to you? Did you not consider we might have had a good reason to keep you under quarantine like we did?"

"I… no… but you all…"

He trailed off. He knew that she was right, now that he knew the truth of what he had done and of what his father was done he couldn't blame them. It didn't make it any less painful to him.

"You think that we hated you? Of course we did, because of what you represented to them all and because of what you had done and because of what had happened before. The best thing for you to have done at that time was nothing, we told you that! You couldn't see it! Even when SEELEs boy told you to do nothing you continued!"

He offered no reply and she continued to berate him, "You're a brat and an idiot Shinji, you don't think! You just act! You think you can help but sometimes... you don't have to do anything to help! Sometimes just doing nothing is better than doing something. It isn't like we didn't have our reasons for not wanting you near... well anything."

She paused for a moment and wondered if maybe she had gone too far in berating him, "Look at me Shinji."

He turned away from her prompting her to prop herself up and grab his jaw and turn his head to face her. This time she commanded him.

"I said look at me Shinji Ikari."

He raised his eyes to look at her as she raised both her hands to his cheeks using her thumbs to wipe away the tears. Despite her words he could see no anger in her. For a time they just sat there staring into one another. Shinji not daring to move from her grasp and Asuka not letting go still wiping away each tear as they silently fell down his cheek.

Finally she spoke once again.

"I wasn't going to tell you this but you should probably know the truth. There were two attempts to retrieve you before this one. I was involved in both those attempts. That's why we called you BM-03. The first attempt was my first mission with WILLE. I volunteered for it. They were reluctant at first to put me back out there but Misato trusted me and she knew why I did what I did. If anyone was going to retrieve you it was going to be me. Certainly wasn't going to be Mari or your father's people. It was going to be me."

"W-What happened to them?"

Asuka cast her mind back to those two missions, to the things that they retrieved. She didn't want to think about it but she decided to be honest with Shinji.

"What we retrieved... wasn't you. It wasn't... anything, it was grotesque and it was dangerous. It tried to take your form but it..."

She turned away from a moment before looking back at him. His voice was trembling and she wondered just how much she should tell him. She knew how fragile he was and despite her wanting to tell him the truth she wasn't sure that she could tell him that she had been the one to kill the previous attempts.

"Asuka?"

"They just... weren't you alright and those attempts nearly cost us. That was another reason we were so wary of you. We didn't know if we were getting another failure that could kill us all or... the child who ended the world."

"It... really is me though isn't it?"

She nodded, "Yes, it really is you."

"H-How do you know?" He questioned her his voice full of fear after learning that what he was might not be him.

She sighed, "Please don't start, I can barely handle Rei's identity crisis. I don't need you doing this to me as well."

He laughed. "S-Sorry."

"I just know alright. When you rescued me that day I knew we had retrieved you. That's why I came down to the cell that day to confirm it."

"I thought you came down to punch me."

A grin crossed her lips, "Well that as well. I've been wanting to punch you for fourteen years and I wouldn't have nearly broke my hand punching out that glass if I wasn't sure it was you!"

"Do it." He sprang up suddenly.

"Huh?" She replied, confused by his request.

"Punch me, it's... what I deserve. I put you through so much. I... I didn't deserve to come back."

Shaking her head, "God you're an idiot. I'm not going to punch you Shinji, even if you beg me to. Besides you saw what I did to that glass, are you really sure you want me to punch you?"

Shinji nodded, "W-Why not? I deserve it, after everything I did. I shouldn't even be back here. I should have died instead of Kaworu. I should have vanished instead of Rei. I... should have..."

"Stop it!" She commanded and immediately he stopped talking. She continued to keep one of her hands held up caressing his cheek but dropped the other one to his hand.

"You came back and you're not going anywhere again. I don't know what you can do to be forgiven or to make up for what you have caused. I don't even know if you can be but if you want to do something, anything then wishing that you hadn't come back or that you were dead isn't going to accomplish that."

"I... just don't know what I can do!" He stammered out again.

"You don't understand do you, there is nothing you can do Shinji. We never had a plan for what would happen when we got you back. We didn't know how people would react or how we would react. At the moment all you can do is nothing, you sit where we put you. Follow the instructions of Akagi and Katsuragi and just stay put. It's as much for your safety as it is ours."

"M-My safety?"

"Of course, you saw the looks you got when you stepped onto that bridge didn't you? You said it yourself, they hate you. What makes you think one of them won't attack you and... No offense Shinji you're not exactly going to able to defend yourself are you?"

"I... guess."

"Like I said, I'll speak to Katsuragi and Akagi when we return. Katsuragi is more understanding then you think but she has to put on a front for her troops. If they see her show weakness they'll seize upon it. With what just happened it'll be tough but maybe we can arrange something for you to do at least. Maybe put you in the kitchen."

"I-I'd like that."

"I'm not making any promises though."

She took his hand and squeezed it gently contemplating what she was going to say next. The space behind her eyepatch itched, a common occurrence since she had lost her eye and when under stress. She looked away briefly to try to calm down.

The evening had been tough on Shinji, she knew what she was about to say wouldn't help but this was the best opportunity for it. She knew she wouldn't be able to do this back at the Wunder.

"Asuka are you alright?"

"Shinji... Just while I'm being honest about things here. Do you remember what you asked me when you first saw me again?"

Shinji slowly nodded.

"You asked me what had happened to my eye. By now you already know what caused it though don't you?"

He nodded again. He had given it some thought since returning. He had at first wondered if it had happened during the fourteen years he was away but her anger towards him when he had asked meant it could only be one thing, "The Unit 03 test… I…"

"Yes. You already know I was put into a coma after that. They managed to reconstruct my body but I was at risk of severe contamination, either from the Angel or from Eva itself. They managed to seal it away somehow but I lost my eye in the process and have to wear this eyepatch instead. I don't know if you can see but it's got a symbol on it. This is designed to keep the contamination localised and sealed away. In addition to the other damage Eva has done to my body I'm barely fucking human anymore." She spoke slowly and was deliberately looking away from Shinji as she did so.

She had never spoken to someone about this before. Not even Mari, the one person she could probably consider her closest friend on the Wunder. Not Katsuragi, the person who had kept Asuka alive for all those years.

She turned to look him in his eyes, "I still ask myself sometimes why you did nothing to help me on that day and why you chose to help Rei over me in the next Angel. Why you were content to do nothing while an Angel infected my body and then in the next battle you risked the entire world to save Rei. I could see it when it happened, I could see you in Unit 01 doing nothing."

Her voice snared at him as she leaned in closer. He didn't back off or avert his eyes.

"I… couldn't… I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't fight you."

"You didn't even try though did you? You had no idea what that thing was doing to me! What sort of pain I was in. You just thought about yourself and your guilt if you had thrown a punch at Unit 03!" She kept her voice low but there was definite anger within her words.

She paused to gather her thoughts before continuing, "You know what the thing is though Shinji, I might have been able to forgive you for what happened with enough time. I kinda understand why you couldn't attack Unit 03 like you did and... The less said about your fathers' employment and halting of the Dummy Plug the better. If I had woken up and you were there and the others were there then maybe. I would have been angry for a time sure but I'm sure a week or two of you doing my bidding would have helped."

She gave a sad smile, "Except when I did wake up everything had changed. The world had been practically destroyed. It was worse than what we had seen of the Second Impact. What was left of an already fragile world nearly destroyed itself over the course of a year. Wars broke out, islands sank underwater and before long entire countries become desolate wastelands."

"When I woke up… the world I knew had gone Shinji and all I knew and all I had been told was that you were responsible and worst of all you had done it for Rei. You had tried to save her and both of you had vanished while I had to live in this fucking world. I couldn't just disappear or vanish."

Another pause from her, "WILLE was just starting up back then. I had missed a lot, the UN invasion of NERV, the truth about what NERV was and the Eva's. Mari tried to fill me in and they needed me. All I've known for fourteen years was who was responsible for starting this and fighting. I've… I've lost who I am Shinji and it's all your fault."

She sniffed and felt a tear roll down her cheek as she spoke. He reached up this his hand to wipe it away.

"I'm… I'm so sorry Asuka. I… I'm sorry."

"I wanted to hate you so much. I had to hate you, all I had to keep me going those fourteen years was how much I hated you and wanted to see you back so I could tell you that. I've been holding in fourteen years of feelings and emotions building and now…"

She trailed off unable to say anything else. It was too much for the two of them. Fourteen years of emotions were bubbling to the surface and she was unsure of how to handle them. She wanted to just keep it bottled up to pretend she still hated him but she couldn't. No matter how much she tried she couldn't truly hate him.

She was just like Misato, using it as a screen for their real pain, for their own failures. If they had acted differently back then it could have been averted, they were all as much to blame for Third Impact as Shinji was.

Finally he broke down again, tears streaming down his face, "I'm sorry Asuka…"

"I know you are."

There were no more words as she took her hands and wrapped them around him pulling him towards her. He rested his head on her chest sobbing every now and then as she delicately ran her hands through his hair. She felt his hands around her as she come to rest her cheek onto the top of his head and let a few more tears of her own fall.

She hushed him and softly whispered into his ear, "I know you're sorry Shinji."

 **Author's Notes:**

Title of this song comes from one of the other main sources of inspiration or the story. Keep Talking is a track from the Pink Floyd album The Division Bell. The album itself is something of a concept album in which all the songs deal with themes of communication. Very fitting for Evangelion I feel.


	4. Wearing The Inside Out

A change had been observed by Rei in both Asuka and Shinji over the course in the morning. It was a subtle change but Rei had noticed it. Asuka was still leading Shinji by the hand as she had done the previous days but instead of pulling him along or leading him it seemed more mutual, they were walking in closer proximity to one another.

She wondered if the events of last night had anything to do with it. During her guard duty she had heard an array of noises from within the tent. A low murmuring as they spoke followed by Asuka raising her voice, presumably towards Shinji. Afterwards she heard the two of them crying. She could not hear their conversation and had at one point wondered if she should have interfered but her orders were to watch for any danger.

When she had entered the tent that morning to wake the two of them she had found Asuka and Shinji lying in each other's arms. Providing a much more intimate display than she had seen previously, they plugsuits had also been discarded, a source of clear embarrassment for the both of them.

It was on this morning that Asuka had informed them that they would approaching an area in which they might be detected by the outpost or the Wunder itself. She had said that if they were lucky a search party could already be out looking for them or their approach but it was at this moment very doubtful.

Due to its proximity to NERV the outposts here were mostly automated and staffed by very few humans. They were designed for surveillance of NERV. There was a larger outpost in Japan but it would not be feasible on their limited resources to make it there.

There would be no opportunity to scavenge their own resources either. The landscape was still too inhospitable for anything to grow so the outposts here relied on weekly supply drops. What this meant is that the chances of any scouting parties being sent out by the outpost was incredibly slim. Asuka was much more hopeful that the Wunder would know they would be heading towards the location and meet them first.

Rei was strangely thankful for the fact that they might have had to wait another day to be rescued. As they continued getting closer to their destination she began to feel what she supposed was apprehension at their eventual arrival.

She had focused much of the journey on questioning herself and who she was. She had been questioning who she was to these two people she had shared the journey with as well as who she might have been to the Commander and Kaworu Nagisa. She had been trying to analyse these bonds to discover her true self.

What she was starting to consider now though was that to Asuka Langley Shikinami and the people of WILLE she was technically one of the enemy. Rei knew that her appearance at the outpost or on the Wunder would create a hostile reaction and she was starting to question if her joining them on this journey was truly the best thing to do.

Yet she had no where else to go. Going back to NERV was impossible both now and at the time the journey started. Surviving on her own wouldn't have been possible. She had not been ordered to survive but she wanted to. Despite the reaction she would get she wanted to survive.

She had not really stopped to consider what would happen to them all on returning to the Wunder though, nor had she considered the reaction she would get. This journey had comprised of just the three of them. Despite their being on opposite sides Asuka had ensured the survival of them all.

Yet on the Wunder she likely wouldn't get that protection. Nor would she be able to interact with Ikari any longer. The most likely outcome would be that she would end up alone again.

That loneliness and feeling of being incomplete was something she had always felt. It was something she had never given thought to until Ikari had arrived and made her aware of the other Rei Ayanami out there.

Until that time she had always been alone. A person raised to fulfil a specific purpose by order of 'him.' She had been raised to wait and follow his orders and didn't venture outside of what she knew. She had been kept away and isolated from what there was in this world. Even from the other person who lived within NERV with her, the one known as Kaworu Nagisa.

Although she did remember one exchange with the boy, it was one of the few moments of communication they had. It was just a simple message.

 _'You and I are the same.'_

She had found those words curious but it wasn't until now that she contemplated their meaning. Was Kaworu the same as her? An isolated figure brought up to fulfil one purpose? She would likely never know what he meant when he spoke those words. Suddenly she wished she had taken the time to speak to him just once more. That however were not her orders at the time.

Her thoughts then turned to the younger Ikari. One retrieving him from WILLE on that day she had found him to be quite curious. Shinji had recognized her from somewhere, something that she could not reciprocate with him. Shinji had done something no one else in that facility had done, expressed a desire to interact with her.

One doing this it began to awaken new sensations within her. That feeling that she now knew to be emptiness felt like it was being filled by his attempts. Not knowing how to handle these new feelings she had simply done nothing. She had allowed him to continue and eventually realized it was because he thought she was someone else.

This someone else, another Rei Ayanami that they had spoken of. Shinji had mentioned her, Asuka had mentioned her and the pilot of that pink Evangelion had mentioned her as well. What would she have done in these situations? Would she had fought back when Shinji attacked her? Would she have went into the tent last night on hearing them both cry?

DId this Rei Ayanami they spoke of share the same feelings of isolation and emptiness that she did? Rei looked down at her hands and then ahead across the ongoing red landscape and continued to think about this other Rei Ayanami. Was there a possibility that she could become the Rei Ayanami they once knew and wanted? Was she maybe a part of that Rei Ayanami or maybe a whole other Rei?

Throughout the course of the last few days she had been asking herself all of these questions. It was an effort to really figure out just who or what she was. She had delved into her sparse past attempting to piece all of it together.

Going over the first memories of the Commander. Seeing him for the first timeas she stepped out of that tank. Her nude form dripping in the orange liquid known as LCL before being wrapped in a towel. She was then told by him that her name was Rei Ayanami and also being given her first sets of orders. She would be the pilot of the Evangelion Mark.09. She would assist NERV and wait for further orders.

She went over the limited interactions with Kaworu Nagisa. Most prominent was him telling her that they were the same. Interactions with him were minimal. He would invite her to play the piano with him but those were not her orders. So she always declined.

Finally she came to seeing Shinji for that first time. On seeing and interacting with him she had gotten a feeling of warmth, a sense of familiarity despite never seeing him before. She had wondered how that might have been possible but interacting with Shinji was not a part of her orders. So she had not pursued it.

The previous Rei Ayanami had known Shinji though, was that why she had gotten that sense of familiarity upon seeing him? Was it because another version of her did know him? After all her first time seeing Shinji was on the day she had rescued him. Up until that point she had not known of his existence.

"Rei?"

She snapped out of her reverie at the sound of the voice and turned her head. She met Shinji's concerned gaze.

"Are you alright? You look a bit out of it?" He questioned her.

"I... am fine. Thank you." She replied.

The walk continued and once again her thoughts turned to that of the previous Rei Ayanami. What was she to these two people she was sharing this journey with? There was a longing within her to learn more, so she apprehensively made a request of the two of them.

"Could you two please tell me about Rei Ayanami?"

In her mind it seemed like a reasonable request but almost immediately there was a tension and discomfort from both Asuka and Shinji. She observed them both avert their gaze. Asuka noticeably pulled Shinji closer towards herself. Perhaps this was a mistake.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to..." Rei started to apologize.

"No..." Shinji suddenly cut her off, "It isn't that it's just... I didn't expect you to ask."

"I am sorry for causing you discomfort." Rei apologized again.

"No. Don't apologize, I... Rei was... Um… I mean... She looked like you?"

Shinji trailed off feeling the heat from Asuka's gaze on him. There was a slight pause before Rei spoke again.

"Yes, that is to be expected." Rei responded in a matter of fact fashion.

A snort of laughter erupted from Asuka at Rei's words. Rei was not completely sure about why Asuka was laughing but decided to not engage the redhead on the matter.

"I am... unsure of who I am." Rei admitted, "I was hoping that by learning about the prior Rei Ayanami I might come to understand who I am."

"Oh I... see well... um... I..."

He trailed off unsure of just what to say to her. He couldn't help but feel some responsibility for Rei feeling this way. Since learning the truth about Rei he had treated this person unfairly. He had even gone so far as to attack her. He was hurting too because of the realization but that was no excuse for what he had done.

It was strange realizing exactly who or what Rei Ayanami was. After learning the truth he now knew that even the original Rei, his Rei was not quite what he had expected. He had always felt some sort of familiarity around the girl but it was not until the talk with Fuyutsuki that it was revealed.

Rei Ayanami and his mother. What was left of his mother after the contact experiment had gone into the creation of Rei. The original Rei was a clone of his mother, this Rei just an extension of that. It was wrong of him to hate this Rei Ayanami for that. She had no control over that fact. It was his father who was to blame.

Finally after a pause he began to speak again, "When I first met her she was..."

Shinji started to cast his mind back to his first real encounter with Rei. It was in her apartment and he had been asked to deliver her new NERV ID card. When he had arrived he had been astounded by what he had come across. Her apartment was not fit for anyone to live in, let alone a person like her.

Shinji could still remember how cold the air was in the apartment, the damp smell in the air and the sight of the bandages and medication she had to take.

He remembered how he took those tentative steps into the apartment removing his shoes at the entrance as was the custom. It had seemed abandoned and that was when he spotted them. A pair of glasses but surely not belonging to Rei. Instead they had belonged to his father. At the time Shinji wasn't quite sure what had been running through his mind when he picked them up. Nor was he sure what he was doing when he put them on but he can remember the look on Rei's face as he turned to see her naked form before him.

Strangely enough she did not seem embarrassed or ashamed of being nude in front of the boy. Instead she had looked angry because of him wearing the glasses. She had reached towards him trying to pull them off of him. What had happened afterwards wasn't exactly the best first impression.

Shortly afterwards he had caught up with her and tried to apologize. He finally gave her the identification card before questioning her about his father. He had wanted to know if she was scared about getting back in the Eva only to be questioning himself about whether nor not he trusted his father's work. Shinji's negative response had earned him a stinging slap to the face.

It was a confusing and very memorable introduction to his co-pilot. It was not a story he ever expected to tell someone, least of all these two. Asuka would likely laugh at him or call him a pervert and Rei would probably not know what to do.

"She was quiet but… well some people said she was emotionless but it wasn't true. I knew that when I met her. She just didn't really know how to express them I guess. I kinda found that out the hard way." He explained.

"Sounds like a story there Shinji…" Asuka smirked. She could sense Shinji's discomfort but at the same time was desperate to learn more.

"What do you mean?" asked Rei.

Shinji sighed preparing himself to explain what had happened. He made a note to leave out the bit about entering her apartment but instead would tell of the conversation afterwards.

"One of the first things I spoke to her about was my father…"

"Uh-oh." Asuka injectected.

He turned to Asuka, "Yeah… I asked her how she wasn't scared about her activation test coming up and she asked me if I didn't trust my father's work. I said I didn't and she… well she slapped me."

A laugh escaped Asuka, "She slapped you? Oh man I wish I could have seen your face. I can't imagine Rei slapping anyone least of all you."

Shinji mustered something of a smile, "It hurt."

"Why did she slap you?" Rei enquired.

"Huh? Isn't it obvious?" Asuka cut in before Shinji got a chance to reply.

"I am afraid I don't understand." Came the reply.

"Look, from what we know of her and… well your series is you were created by and raised by Gendo Ikari right?" Asuka started to explain.

"Yes."

"Well, he… suffice to say did a better job of raising her than he did our Impact-Causing brat here so she probably felt protective of him. To hear someone randomly come in and insult him in the way Shinji did would have angered her."

Shinji cut in, "it wasn't just that. Rei had a bad experience in her Eva before I arrived. It was my father who saved her."

"He saved her? Really?" Asuka questioned him in surprise. Her knowledge of the events prior to her arrival in Tokyo-3 were limited. She had of course known about the three Angel's that had been defeated but anything else was classed to her as trivial stuff. She could recall news of an incident regarding an Evangelion's activation but never cared to find out what exactly had occurred.

He nodded, "Yeah… he burnt his hands on the Entry Plug too trying to get into it."

Rei contemplated what the two of them had said to her. She started to understand it, the previous Rei Ayanami clearly had a bond with the Commander and would react were the man insulted. "I see, I understand now. She felt a bond with the Commander."

Shinji nodded again sadly, "Yeah… do… do you not have that bond?"

"No I do not. I did not have anything but my orders." Rei confirmed to him. Her contact with Commander Ikari had been minimal.

"Y-You had nothing?" He questioned.

"That is correct."

Shinji returned his gaze to the horizon as a silence fell upon the three of them. Neither he nor Asuka knew what to say after hearing this. The guilt he was feeling before this conversation was only being amplified. She wasn't the same Rei Ayanami, she was different but she was still a person. She still deserved to be treated with the same respect anyone else did. She couldn't help that she was not the original Rei Ayanami, nor could she help that she was a clone of his mother.

When he thought back to his interaction with the previous Rei he recalled how she had once told him she had nothing else but her bond with the Eva. It was prior to operation Yashima. Once that was over she had begun to change. Maybe this Rei could as well.

"I am curious to hear more about her." Rei spoke again, her voice soft but her words carrying more weight than before.

Shinji thought again to what he could possibly tell her about his Rei, "Well she… used to read a lot."

"Yes I remember you telling me that."

Shinji nodded, he recalled telling her that on his arrival in NERV. He had brought her books but she had not read any of them.

"Yeah. I didn't really know what sort of books, I don't think it really mattered to her. She always used to have one with her though."

"Probably too complicated for you anyway, I don't remember seeing many pictures in them." Asuka cut in, teasing him.

He laughed, "Hey that's not true I-"

Asuka interupted him, "It is true, I used to live with you! I've seen your manga collection. I've even seen the stuff you tried to keep hidden."

Shinji fired back, "How di- I mean I didn't have any hidden stuff! I'm not lik-"

He tried to quickly divert the attention from what he had started to say but this just elicited another laugh from Asuka, "Oh so you did have stuff like that! I always knew you were a pervert."

Shinji felt himself glowing red from the accusations and scramble to change the subject back to Rei.

"Anyway about the other Rei. She was…"

Shinji paused trying to think of the best way to phrase this, "...a little bit socially awkward as well I suppose."

Asuka cut in again, "Which is saying something considering you exist."

Rei listened to the two of them having their little back and forth and felt a smile form on her lips. There was something about hearing the two of them in this way that was awakening a sense of familiarity within her that she had not felt before.

Rei blinked suddenly feeling slightly lightheaded. Upon opening her eyes she turned to see Asuka and Shinji still side by side and arguing but their clothes had changed. Shinji was wearing the black trousers and a white shirt she had seen him in back at NERV. Asuka however was wearing a blue dress and a similar white shirt. On the front of the dress hung a bright red bow. It was not just the clothing that was different though. Her eyepatch had vanished revealing both of Asuka's brilliant blue eyes shining in the sunshine.

Both of them were carrying small black bags by a handle, she could see their names printed on each one.

The lightheaded feeling returned and this time came to a stop. Her eyes blinked again and this time on opening them she couldn't help but open her mouth in surprise. Everything around her had suddenly changed. The desolate wasteland that they were walking through had vanished.

She was no longer standing on a red stained ground but was on firm solid grey concrete. To her right it dipped down into a road. On this road she could make out a number of vehicles passing backwards and forwards.

As she looked around the horizon had been filled with buildings reaching up to the sky. The hot sun reflecting from their glass sides. The sky was a healthy blue and as she looked down she saw herself wearing the same dress as Asuka.

She stepped forward and tried to say something but just as she did a stabbing pain shot straight through her head. She instinctively raised her hand up to her head and cried out just as the two of them stopped and turned around.

She watched as their lips move but she couldn't hear what they were saying. Finally the pain in her head subsided and she could hear them speak once more.

"Rei?" Shinji asked concerned for the girl.

"Earth to wondergirl, hello?" Asuka followed up afterwards.

"What… where is this?" Rei asked to no one in particular.

Shinji took a step towards her asking her once again, "Rei, are you alright?"

Suddenly Rei stepped forward her eyes wide open in surprise at everything around her. Everything was starting to come into focus now. More and more details were being added to this world around her. She had never seen so many different colours before in one place.

Along the pavement was a grassy verge, between which an assortment of different trees and flowers had been planted. An array of reds and yellows amidst the green of the grass. There was a bridge near to them to take pedestrians across the road. In the middle of it hung a vibrant board advertising some product. A glittering sparkly of pinks and purples erupted upon it.

Rei took a step forward towards one of the trees. She looked and saw big red objects hanging from it. She wanted to reach out and touch it, she wanted to reach out and touch it all. Experience everything around her.

She continued to ignore the sound of Asuka and Shinji's voice calling after her and continued to walk forward examining everything she could. Watching as insects crawled upon the flowers. Marvelling as different coloured and size cars passed by them on the road. There was a childlike wonder within her.

Once again Shinji and Asuka yelled after her, she watched as they ran ahead of her seemingly trying to block her path. She was about to respond but before she could get a word out another pain shot through her head, this time bringing her to her knees. She screamed out as the pain refused to cease.

Shinji looked across at Asuka, a huge look of concern in his eyes. He trembled not knowing what to do about the situation Rei was in. It had happened so suddenly.

His eyes pleading,"What's wrong with her?"

"How the hell should I know? She just suddenly started acting weird!"

The two of them had been watching Rei curiously for the past minute trying to get her attention. It had started in the midst of their little back and forth argument. The girl had just started acting strange, looking around the landscape and wandering from point to point as if she had forgotten where she was.

She had not responded to their attempts to talk to her or stop her and now she had dropped down to her knees, clearly in some sort of pain.

Asuka dashed over to Rei's side and placed a hand on the girls shoulder keeping her in place. Making every attempt to not move her too much she began to carefully slide the backpack off of Rei before placing it down and beginning to rummage through it.

Shinji still not sure of what to do looked at Asuka as he kept his distance.

"W-What are you doing?"

Without averting her eyes from inside the pack or stopping her search through it she replied, "I'm looking through her pack."

"W-Why?" He asked.

"I don't have time to explain, just keep an eye on her. Keep her steady and make sure she doesn't hurt herself. Oh, and Shinji..."

"Yes?"

Her gaze met his, "Be careful."

She thought she could hear him mutter something about not being sure of what to do but she didn't have time to deal with his fear at the moment. He could improvise, isn't that what Shinji did for the first two Angel's? Improvised, he'd figure something out.

Trying to keep herself from trembling she continued to search through the pack. It seemed so obvious now but she should have expected something like this to happen. If she had only stopped to think a little bit more about what Rei was she could have seen it coming. This was a different Rei to the one she knew but there were still going to be similarities. Just looking back at Rei's actions of fourteen years ago might have shown her this.

Rei of that time was always missing school to undergo additional tests back at NERV. She always seemed to have some sort of medication with her. At the time Asuka hadn't thought too much of it. Rei always looked like a sickly child so extra medication or examinations would have been expected. Add to which Rei always seemed to be the golden child ahead of Asuka and Shinji so Asuka never questioned it.

With the knowledge of Rei being a clone now within her it made things a little bit clearer. The additional tests were probably some sort of therapy to maintain Rei's condition. The extra medication probably assisted with that too.

"Scheisse!" Asuka swore loudly.

Shinji looked back at her, his voice betraying the panic he was feeling, "What... what is it?"

She looked across at him, "It's just nutrient pastes and water. The same as we were carrying minus the tent/sleeping stuff."

"Does that matter?" He asked.

She nodded, "Of course it matters! Do you not remember what she was like back at school?"

He shook his head, "I... no?"

"You're an idiot sometimes!" She paused as she saw the wounded look cross Shinji's face. She hadn't meant to sound harsh, it had just came out. She paused a moment to calm herself before continuing, "Look Rei always used to miss school didn't she? Every couple of days she would be away, and you went into her apartment once didn't you?"

He nodded.

"So there was an array of medication right?"

He nodded again.

She continued explaining to him, "That was probably some sort of medication to keep her from experiencing something like this. Akagi probably knows what it was she needed, she'll have treated Rei back in those days but that doesn't matter right now! I thought she might have had some of the medication with her, some form of booster shot we could give her. Maybe she had forgotten to take it but I checked the pack."

"What did you find?"

She shook her head in anger, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing! Your father didn't equip her survival pack with anything like that. It's likely he..."

"It is fine, if I die I can be replaced." Rei muttered weakly.

Asuka snapped her head towards Rei at those words angry that Rei would even suggest something like that, "Like hell you can! I promised I'd get you back, we're not going to lose her."

"Asuka what's happening to her?" Shinji asked again, his voice a trembling mixture of fear and sorrow as he was on the verge of tears.

"I don't know! Just let me… let me think damnit."

Asuka took a deep breath and continued looking through the pack hoping that she might have overlooked something. She glanced across at Rei lying on her back her head propped up on Shinji's knees, the boy looking around frantically.

 _'Come on! Think Shikinami, think! What can we do? What do we have? He didn't even think of this happening did he? It's like she said he could just replace him, that bastard.'_

Rei felt hands upon her back as she convulsed in pain. She looked up straight into the eyes of Shinji. Her world had changed again, she was looking at the desolate, broken landscape once again. Gone were the buildings, the vehicles and noise of cicadas. Pain shot through her body, she had no idea what has happening to her. She had never experienced anything like this before.

"Rei." Shinji called out to her again, she felt his hands around her keeping her in place but doing little to ease the pain she was in.

"Ikari... why... why are you crying?"

She blinked and once again something changed. She was no longer lying in Shinji's arms but was lying in the cockpit of an Entry Plug. It was not the Mark.09 but it was still familiar to her. She groggily tilted her head gazing towards the entrance of the entry plug.

Shinji was standing there clad in an entirely different plugsuit. Blue in design with white plating covering the shoulders. The numbers 01 upon its chest.

"Ayanami!" He yelled towards her, there was a smile across his face but she observed tears were also falling down his cheeks.

 _'He is crying? Why is he crying? What has happened to me? What do I do?'_

She opened her mouth to speak. The words she spoke felt like ones she had said before, "I am sorry, I do now know what I should do in a situation such as this."

This prompted a small chuckle from Shinji and before the boy said anything further she already knew what he was going to say. She followed it along in her mind as he said them, "Maybe you should try smiling."

 _'Yes... that was it, I should smile... he defeated the Angel and saved me.'_

She looked away for a moment in embarrassment before fixing her gaze on him again. A small smile cross her lips as she sat facing the boy.

Suddenly there was a violent white flash and she found herself no longer within the entry plug but instead shrouded in total darkness. Ahead of her was another figure, with a faint white glow all around her. The figure was a blue haired girl with piercing crimson eyes. The girl wore no facial expression but instead stared directly ahead, her gaze fixed upon Rei.

Rei tilted her head curiously at the girl before speaking, "You are... me."

There was no movement from the other girl. After a brief pause Rei heard a voice, it was her own but there was some sort of echo applied to it. The girl in front of her still did not move and as the voice spoke she noticed the girls lips were not moving. Instead the voice seemed to be transmitting itself directly into Rei's head.

 _"I am you... but I am also me. I am the part of you which you are lacking."_

"I am incomplete." Rei replied.

 _"We have always been incomplete."_

"Why?"

 _"Because father made us that way."_

As the voice said the word father images of Commander Ikari flashed through Rei's mind. The first image of him as she knew him, an elder man with a long beard wearing that strange visor. The next image was of what she presumed to be a younger Commander Ikari, he wore a pair of oval glasses with a tinted frame. The third and final image was of a beardless Commander Ikari. A friendlier looking one, with shorter hair much similar to that of Shinji's. He wore no glasses in this incarnation and instead of the uniform Rei had known wore a white labcoat.

After the final image made its way out of Rei's head she questioned the voice, "Why?"

 _"I do not know."_

"Who am I?"

 _"You are me but you are also yourself."_

"Then... who are you?"

 _"I am Rei Ayanami."_

"Then who am I?"

 _"You are also Rei Ayanami"_ The voice confirmed to her.

"I do not understand"

 _"We are parts of a whole. I am you and you are me. We exist in different bodies but we are connected. Those connections have been broken."_

"Broken by who."

 _"By him."_

As the other Rei spoke those words another image of Commander Ikari flashed through her head. It was of him on the first day Rei remembered.

"I do not know what to do."

"We must live."

"How?"

There were no further words. Instead the Rei Ayanami opposite her finally started to move. She stepped forward towards Rei until she was merely inches away from her. Slowly she raised a single hand to Rei's cheek, placing it softly on her. A warmth began to spread throughout her body as a bright light began to shine between the two of them.

With this light came a bizarre sensation of something entering her body. She blinked to see the other Rei beginning to fade in front of her eyes. The emptiness that she had been feeling before felt like it was beginning to be filled.

All of a sudden there was a rush of emotions and memories flooding throughout her. She began to see things she had never seen before. First she saw a classroom, as she gazed around she saw it was full of people each of them had their attention fixed towards the man at the front. Rei turned and saw she was sitting next to a window. She gazed out onto the yard of the school and towards the skyline of the vast city ahead of her.

She then saw a laboratory. It was similar to the one she had been in and around at NERV but it was brighter. There were two people here, a blonde haired woman in a lab coat and Commander Ikari. They were stood in front of a large tank containing LCL.

Next she saw a barren apartment. A bed in a corner which bandages thrown upon it. At the foot of the bed was a small desk with an assortment of pills and a glass of water upon it. Next to those lay a case containing a pair of glasses.

The image passed by to be replaced by another one. She was now staring up at a large glass tank. Within the tank were all sorts of creatures they had never seen before. They were various in size and colour. Around her were people looking on in amazement, all people she felt she had never seen before. Yet as she looked from person to person she found herself able to speak their names aloud.

"Hikari Horaki, Touji Suzahara, Kensuka Aida, Ryoji Kaji... these people... I feel like I know them."

 _"That is because we did know them."_ The voice of the other Rei Ayanami confirmed to her.

"But who are they?" She asked.

 _"They were our friends."_

"Friends?"

As she asked more images flashed through her mind showing her scenes that she had once known. She had been a part of all of them. Her staring at the fish with the others, thinking to herself how these creatures that were confined to this space were much like herself.

A memory of having to go through the decontamination cycle numerous times to ensure they were able to enter the complex.

A memory of sitting near to a large blanket, everyone around her enjoying meals that had been prepared by Shinji. A memory of her remarking that she didn't eat meat and Shinji offering her a cup of the Miso soup he had made. Memories of her surprise at how good it tasted. All of these were her memories and they were real.

"These… are my memories. Memories of friendship, memories of fourteen years ago."

Again the voice confirmed this to her, _"These are our memories. Memories of the Rei Ayanami we were and the one we are now."_

"We were once one."

 _"We are many, existing at different points and across many bodies but we are all one."_

"I… am starting to remember now. Those times and those memories."

For a moment her vision went hazy, she blinked and it returned to normal only this time she was no longer in the preservation centre. She was now sat at a dinner table and sitting across from her was Commander Ikari.

Again Rei had no control over the words she spoke. This was once again a conversation that had already occurred. She listened as she asked Commander Ikari about whether or not people derived pleasure from the act of eating in a group. She listened as she asked about the possibility of organizing a dinner for the others with him attending. He had rejected the idea at first but something had changed his mind.

"I remember this, I wanted to bring them together. I wanted them to be happen. That is what she would have wanted isn't it?"

 _"Yes."_

She blinked again and was now in an elevator, she looked down to see her hand covered in an assortment of bandages. Battle scars from her attempt to prepare a meal. Across from her in the doorway to the lift was an angry looking Asuka.

"What does Shinji mean to you?" The redhead asked her.

She gave the same response she did that day, "I do not know."

She didn't hear the reply that came from Asuka. Instead the voice of the other Rei Ayanami returned to her.

 _"We wanted to make him happy."_

"We were unable to." Rei mused sadly.

 _"That is because that was our fate. A fate granted to us"_

"By who?"

 _"Our father."_

Again the image of commander Ikari flashed through her mind at mention of the word father. Where once she might have felt something at the sight of him now Rei only felt anger within her.

"He did this to us." She remarked.

 _"Do you know why?"_

"So he could see her again."

 _"Who?"_

"Our mother."

On saying the word mother Rei once again found her within the darkness. The other Rei Ayanami was again in front of her but next to her was another woman. A woman that looked remarkably like an older version of herself. Only this woman did not have blue hair or red eyes and was wearing a labcoat.

The woman spoke to her, her words soft and comforting, "You must go back to him."

Rei nodded and another scene began to play itself out before her. She was inside an Eva again and everything around her had been destroyed. There had been an attack from an Angel, Rei was the only one left. She had to save Shinji but she had failed. There was only darkness as the Angel had attempted to eat the Evangelion and consume Rei.

Rei found herself huddled up in a pit of darkness until she began to feel a present behind her. Slowly she turned to see a light begin to appear and a voice screaming her name. Suddenly there was a bright flash as he appeared forcing his way towards her and holding his arm out.

"AYANAMI!"

Slowly Rei rose to her feet and took his hand. He pulled forcefully as they went through the light together. She fell into his arms and looked up at him.

"I am… I am sorry I could not help you."

She was about to reach up to his cheek but before she could pain once more shot through her body. Her entire body convulsed as she closed her eyes and screamed out. She writhed in agony praying that the pain would leave her.

Finally after a time the pain began to subside. With her body still trembling but no longer convulsing violently she opened her eyes again to look straight up at Shinji. His cheeks were stained with tears and he was saying her name over and over again.

Her eyes scanned the horizon taking in the surroundings. A pale faced Asuka was knelt near to them still clutching Rei's back-pack. Rei tried to prop herself up but felt Asuka's hand on her shoulder keeping her in place.

"No, don't move." Asuka ordered.

Too weak to try again Rei simply nodded and took in her surroundings. Was it finally over? Was she back now? She took a deep breath trying to figure out what had happened to her.

She was beginning to understand now. She understood just what she was and who she was. She was not the previous Ayanami nor was she a new Rei Ayanami. She was just Rei Ayanami.

With what little strength she had she reached her hand up towards Shinji's face and slowly caressed his cheek.

"I am… home."

 **Author's Notes**

Title of this chapter is from the Pink Floyd album The Division Bell, the track itself is notable for being one of the few Pink Floyd tracks that feature Rick Wright on vocals and was in fact written by him. It's a gorgeous song which describes themes of being isolated and introverted. I felt it was a good fit for what Rei goes through in this story, especially the sections towards the end.

This chapter is very Rei-Centric. I'll hold up my hands and say that I've always struggled to write for Rei. I however wanted to fix that for this story, I wanted to put in a good effort with her. Hopefully for fans of her I've done a good job here.

I also forgot to do this last chapter but I wanted to thank the people who took the time to review this, especially the first two chapters in which I got a lot of valuable feedback. You guys don't know how much that feedback meant to me and it really helped me to develop this into a stronger piece of work. With your collective advice I was able to go back through what was left of the story and edit it into something better, so thank you.


	5. Ancestral

There were behind schedule by around half a day or so thanks to the incident with Rei yesterday. After the events that had transpired an attempt had been made at progressing further but due to Rei not regaining consciousness they had only managed an hour or so of carrying her before Asuka made the decision to give up.

She couldn't be angry at Rei for what had happened but Asuka couldn't help but harbour a touch of annoyance. Due to Rei's state they had had to split the guard duty between the two of them whilst Rei recovered. Asuka's hope had been to spend at least one more night with him before their return to civilization.

Fortunately they had made enough progress yesterday to ensure that they would reach that point today. Either the outpost would detect them and they'd be granted access to it for a time or it would be the Wunder that picked them up. Asuka was still hoping for the Wunder. It would be easier for Shinji and Rei if it was the Wunder.

The situation regarding Shinji was beginning to enter the forefront of her mind as they started to get closer to closer to their goal. This morning she had once again reassured him that she would do whatever she could to make sure neither he nor Rei were hurt on their return. She would also try to make sure he didn't spent all of his time there within the brig.

Asuka didn't quite have a plan for how she would accomplish that yet. Whilst her stance had indeed softened towards Shinji over the last few days she knew it would take a lot more than that to convince Akagi and Misato. Misato would accuse her of being compromised by her old feelings for the boy. Misato would be correct as well. Asuka had let her feelings for the boy take over these last few days. She had seen him for what he was, a miserable lost soul manipulated into something beyond his control.

Sure, she could still call him a brat and see his mistakes but he regretted it. He wanted to make up for it and under her guidance he might be able to do just that.

Unfortunately there was something else she had not yet considered if she managed to persuade Misato to let him out of the cells and into his own quarters. Shinji would be at tremendous risk on board the Wunder. People were brought up hating him because of what his actions had led to fourteen years ago. Many of them did not think the boy had a right to live because of what he had done, regardless of if he had intended it.

Any one of them could at any one time take the opportunity to attack him if he was left alone. They couldn't exactly assign security to him, they would be just as likely to do it themselves and call it an accident. Asuka couldn't exactly babysit him all the time and if they were to confine him to quarters that would be no different from keeping him in a cell, only he would have more privacy.

As far as Rei went that would be more complicated. There was no question that Rei Ayanami had been manipulated by Gendo into fighting against WILLE. Yet because of what she was and who she was there would always be the question of just how much they could trust her.

Rei would likely be treated with even more suspicion than Shinji. Her link to the Eva, to NERV, to Commander Ikari and the rest of the Ayanami series would all come under question. Gendo Ikari had created her and they still knew so little about how, who was to say he hadn't planned for this event and had something in Rei that would allow her to infiltrate WILLE.

Would Misato and Akagi really take the risk of letting her on board?

Whatever was about to happen it certainly wasn't going to be simple. That was just the way of this world though, nothing is or ever was simple. It was the truth now and it was the truth fourteen years ago. It might have been simple for others but for Asuka Langley Shikinami it certainly wasn't.

Nothing had been simple for her, not since the day her mother had died. She was only young when it had occurred. Too young for anything like that to occur but she could remember it all so clearly. The sight of her mother lying there in that hospital bed, a mere shell of the woman and mother she used to be. A woman that had been rendered incapable of recognizing her own daughter.

Asuka remembered how she used to stand there looking through the glass at her mother. She had not known how she had gotten in there or what had happened. No one told her then and Asuka had never asked since. She was scared of that truth, scared of what it might awaken within her. Asuka had to be and stay strong for others. People relied on her. Learning that truth might make her weak, so she chose to run away from it.

Unfortunately the nightmares of those days did not run away. They followed her. Each one following a memory of that time. A time when Asuka was once allowed into the room. Allowed to stand by her mother's bedside and observe the woman as she sat clutching the puppet and muttering to it. A memory that ended with her mother attacking and nearly choking the four year old Asuka.

The other nightmare was of the day she discovered the body. It was only a couple of weeks after her mother had been taken into the hospital. The same day Asuka had found out she was going to be a pilot for the Evangelion. Asuka had been so excited at that time. Finally she had been chosen, finally she was going to be worth something and she was going to save the world.

It wasn't until a few years later Asuka finally understood what it meant when she discovered her mother's body hanging from the rope, the puppet she had been talking too laying on the floor in front of her. As a four year old she had never thought that her mother had done that to herself and no one had told her. When people spoke of her mother's death they always used to do it in hushed tones to make sure the young girl couldn't hear them.

The death of her mother had heralded a change in Asuka. She decided from that moment on that she didn't need anyone anymore. She would close herself off from others and no one would be allowed in. All she needed was herself and that was fine.

That was until the day she met the boy whose hand she was holding right at this moment. A boy who had someone managed to break through that barrier with his smile. A boy who was just like her, closed off but in different ways. A boy who had become the first person in god knows how many years to see her with all of her walls down.

She had allowed herself to break down completely in front of him. Allowed herself to need him and want him and it had felt good. They had spent the rest of that night wrapped and entwined in each others arms.

Asuka stopped to scan the horizon before releasing Shinjis hand. She took out the scanner she had been using and nodded before stepping forward.

"L Density Barrier is at acceptable levels, they should be able to pick us up now. We'll keep moving towards the outpost. As long as we don't encounter any difficulties..."

She shot a grin back towards both Rei and Shinji. She enjoyed the moment in which the two of them looked away sheepishly.

"… we should arrive by the end of the day. So I want you both to promise me you're not going to collapse..."

Her gaze turned from Rei to Shinji as she continued to speak.

"Or attack someone or throw up requiring us to stop..."

"I believe I am fine now." Rei replied.

"I'll be fine." Shinji muttered.

"Good because I'd really like to get out of this plugsuit and have a hot shower and sleep in an actual bed, or at least what passes for one on the Wunder."

With those words the three of them continued walking. It was not long before Rei broke the silence. A curiosity had arisen from hearing Asuka's words.

When Rei had woke the two of them the other morning neither of them were wearing their plugsuits, so Asuka had already been out of hers. Rei knew about their physical intimacy the other night and wondered if Asuka could not remember.

"I am curious, have you not already been out of your plugsuit?" Rei questioned.

Asuka nodded, "Well... yeah briefly for the bathroom breaks but not properly."

"But when I came to wake the two of your yesterday neither of you were in your plugsuits, implying you had both slept without them on."

Rei watched as both Asuka and Shinji suddenly turned a very deep shade of red and looked away from them. Neither of them knowing exactly what to say to Rei to respond to her. Getting into that subject would likely require a lot of explanation on both of their parts. Asuka decided the best tactic would be to suddenly change the subject.

"So how are you feeling today Rei?"

"I am much better now, thank you. I believe I have started to resolve the conflict that was occurring within me."

Shinji, catching on quick to Asuka's tactic took little time to follow up, "I'm glad! You really gave us a scare Rei."

"I apologize for any distress I might have caused you and Capta- Asuka. It was not my intent to do so."

"So what happened?" Questioned Shinji.

Before Rei could get a chance to respond Asuka quickly cut in, "Hold on a moment I need to ask something first. You are aware of what you are aren't you?"

Rei nodded, "Yes, I am a member of the Ayanami series developed in secret by Gendo Ikari. I was created using the DNA of Y-"

Asuka moved to cut her off before she could continue. Her origin wasn't what concerned Asuka right now. "Yeah we know that. So what about… well maintenance for you. What happened yesterday, that will happen again right?"

Rei nodded again, "I see what you mean. I regret that I was not forthcoming with the information you seek. You are correct in my need for 'maintenance.' Approximately every two to three days I require an LCL supplement."

"Every two to three days?" Asuka exclaimed, "But you're onto your fifth day so you're at risk! That's what contributed to what happened yesterday wasn't it?"

"That is correct." Rei confirmed.

"So unless we get you back immediately there is a risk of that happening again?" Asuka asked her.

"As of now I do not believe that is a possibility due to the events of yesterday. I believe that the negative side effects of my lack of 'maintenance' have been prolonged for the time being. While you are correct that yesterday was triggered by the lack of medication there was another contributing factor."

Asuka raised her eyebrow, "Which was?"

"I reconciled with myself. The part of me that was empty is now whole again, I believe this will extend the period of time in which I have providing us with adequate time to return to the Wunder and…"

Shinji finished off the sentence for her excitedly, "…and Doctor Akagi can provide you with the supplement. She can do that right? Asuka?"

Shinji turned to Asuka excitedly but the smile dropped when he saw her frowning.

"Asuka?"

Asuka did not give a reply for a moment. This was yet another thing she had not really considered. What was the likelihood of Akagi helping Ayanami?

She couldn't shake the feeling that Misato and Akagi would still class Rei as an enemy and while they weren't so heartless to just kill her outright. At least Misato wouldn't be. Asuka couldn't envision them going out of their way to help her either.

It went back to her previous thoguhts on how complex the situation really was. Misato might be convinced in regards to Shinji. Asuka knew damn well that there was something left inside Misato that truly cared for the boy, otherwise she wouldn't have spent so much time trying to recover him nor would she have allowed Asuka to be the one to do it.

Akagi on the other hand. Akagi was not quite the emotionless doctor that she seemed. There was however a cold logic to her approach. It was in many ways a perfect complementation to Misato's style. Misato was driven by emotional and gut-instinct and Akagi provided the more grounded hard facts. Despite the arguments that had arisen between the two they had been able to keep WILLE stable for many years.

After a short while Asuka finally gave her reply. The words tasted bitter as she spoke them, a side-effect of her not quite believing them.

"Yeah, Akagi can help."

XXX

The three of them were taking the first of their breaks that Asuka had allotted them. Shinji was sat on a rock looking upwards at the sky, deep in thought. Asuka and Rei were just out of earshot from him. Asuka mildly curious after Rei had requested a private conversation with her.

"What is this about Rei?" Asuka asked her.

Rei paused for a moment, "I wish to speak with you regarding our previous conversion. I also did not want Shinji to be able to hear us. I believe you have doubts about Dr Akagi's abilities in assisting with my medical condition."

Asuka did for a moment considering lying to Rei and telling her she had no doubts whatsoever but ultimately decided against it. It would be unfair to lie to her about such a serious subject and besides she believed that Rei would be one of the few who could handle the truth. Besides so many of their problems had been caused by lies and miscommunication. It didn't seem right to add to that.

Asuka nodded, "Being honest with you, yes I do. I don't doubt her ability in helping you, I already know she probably helped your original fourteen years ago. I do however doubt her desire."

"That is understandable. After all I am still technically your enemy."

"Yes, you are." Asuka stated, "Don't get me wrong though, I know you won't hurt us. I intend to tell both Katsuragi and Akagi that. My concern is that they might deem you not worth the risk."

"It is a wise precaution for them to take."

Asuka raised her eyebrow at Rei's comment. How was Rei so cold and logical about this? There was a possibility that she could die. After all they had been through, after what she had experienced yesterday how could she not be afraid of that? If she went then another Ayanami would be awakened and the likelihood would be that this new one would be nothing more than a shell of her former self.

"It is a wise precaution yes, but I don't feel it is the correct one. It is exactly like I said to Shinji, I will do what I can. My word carries some weight with them, more so than anyone else on board the Wunder. So they are more likely to listen to me than they would anyone else."

There was a slight smile on Rei's face, "Thank you. Even if you fail, I appreciate the effort."

The words elicited a laugh from Asuka, "I don't fail Rei."

A silence fell between the two of them. Asuka realized that she still had a number of questions she wanted to ask Rei about what had transpired yesterday. Questions that she probably wasn't going to be able to ask when they returned to the Wunder but might be useful in her future discussions with Katsuragi.

"Rei." Asuka started, "What exactly happened to you yesterday? You said that the conflict within you has since been resolved. What exactly did you mean by that?"

Rei turned away looking back from where they had come from, "I meant exactly that. The conflict over my identity and who I am has now been resolved."

"How? You mean when you were acting all strange that was you resolving the conflict?"

"Yes. It was an interesting process but I believe the trigger for it was yourself and Shinji. Your arguing was a catalyst which aided in unlocking memories within me of the Rei Ayanami of fourteen years ago. I found myself reliving moments from her life. Until I eventually came face to face with her."

"You... came face to face with her? How?"

"I do not know. I believe what I saw was a manifestation of her soul that had been freed on that day fourteen years ago. It had resided within me waiting for a chance to become one with me. Her desire at that time was to see her friends and Shinji happy, yesterday provided the spark for that.

Confused Asuka replied, "Our happiness? But you said we were arguing…"

"Indeed but your argument was bickering as you both might have done those years ago. It reawakened memories of your journeys to and from school. In addition to this I was able to sense your happiness throughout that morning. I had observed noticeable changes in the two of you. I presumed it was because of the discussions and physical intimacy you both shared on that night, it had brought you both closer together.

"Intimacy!" Asuka started to yell but quickly trailed off hoping that Shinji hadn't heard her yell that. She went on, "You mean you kne… You…"

Trailing off she was aware of how red her cheeks were going. She felt her heart begin to race as she turned around to look at Shinji. He was still sat looking up at the sky, blissfully unaware of the conversation and embarrassment she was experiencing at this time.

Rei had known what they had done. Quickly she grabbed Rei by the arm and span her around so they were both facing away from Shinji.

Asuka spoke again, keeping her voice as low as possible, "What exactly do you mean when you say intimacy?"

"I am referring to the act of physical sexual intimacy that you both shared on that night."

Asuka's eye widened, "And… what makes you think that we… did that?"

"On that night during my guard duty I could not help but hear both yourself and Shinji talking in the tent. Whilst I did not know what you were both saying I heard you talking and crying. Afterward you both fell silent and I heard noises afterwards which indicated you were both engaged in se-"

 _'This is a nightmare, a genuine nightmare. I have to put an end to this.'_

"Okay I get it!"

"In addition to this, when I came to wake you both up on that morning you had both discarded your plugsuits and were sharing the same sleeping bag."

"Alright I get the idea! Can we… how do you even know about this sort of thing anyway?"

"The act of human physical relations is not completely unknown to me. In my time in Tokyo-3 I had read numerous books which dealt with the human biology, reproduction and sexuality."

Asuka was scrambling for something to say in reply to this. She couldn't really deny it but it wasn't something she wanted to come out and admit to either. She had been so sure that they wouldn't have been heard.

"You care for Shinji don't you?" Rei finally asked her.

Asuka turned to look Rei directly in the eyes, "Of course I do! I wouldn't have fuc-…"

She trailed off stopping to correct herself, "I wouldn't have… done that with him if I didn't. It's just well… I didn't think you would have heard and… people don't usually… they aren't… it's a personal thing so…"

Rei nodded, "I understand. You are embarrassed regarding the topic. I will refrain from mentioning it any further to yourself or Shinji from now on."

Asuka smiled, "That's much appreciated. Thank you."

Asuka hastily decided that now would be a good time to switch the subject back. Fearing that Rei might go back on her promise.

"So anyway, what did you mean when you said you came face to face with yourself? You mean that you saw the other Rei Ayanami and… spoke to her?"

"Yes. It was more than that. It was a merging of our being. I was granted access to her life and memories and she was granted access to mine. The emptiness within us both was reconciled and the two Rei Ayanami's that were became one Rei Ayanami."

Asuka nodded, "So... he did succeed in bringing you back?"

"Yes. Although I regret that his actions caused him and the others of this world so much pain. I wonder if perhaps it would have been a better decision for him to leave me there."

Asuka cut her off, "The brat cared about you a lot. It isn't that I don't understand why he didn't do what he did. I do understand that even if he is a complete idiot for doing it. Although I guess…"

Asuka trailed off again thinking about the actions she had taken over the last fourteen years. Especially those attempts to retrieve Shinji in the past. She had put herself at great risk for them. She had put others are great risk.

"I guess I'm not completely innocent myself. I didn't exactly act accordingly whenever WILLE tried to retrieve the brat. I was pretty reckless at the time, risking everything to bring him back even if it meant others were hurt…"

She paused before continuing, "We do strange things for the ones we love, even if it is at the risk of hurting others."

Rei looked back towards Shinji, "That is true. I wonder if he still cares for me now that he knows the truth about who and what I am."

"Are you stupid? Of course he does!" She confirmed to Rei.

"If we had lost you yesterday I don't know what he would have done. Hell part of the reason I allowed you to come with us in the first place was so that he would co-operate."

"I see, then I should thank you for that as well."

Rei paused for a brief moment. There was something else she had not been able to thank Asuka for. Everything had gone to hell before she had been given the opportunity, "I also... did not get an opportunity to thank you for fourteen years ago."

Asuka raised a curious eyebrow, "Fourteen years ago, what do you me-"

"You volunteered yourself for the Unit 03 activation test so that I could hold the dinner party between Shinji and his father."

"Oh that... yeah well... I'm sorry things didn't go to plan."

"It is not your fault. I did not know back when what Commander Ikari was capable of, nor did I know the full truth about who I was. Had I known this I would not have made the attempt."

"Oh, you didn't know back then?"

"I was aware of my nature but not of who I was cloned from. I did not know who the Commander was using as a template nor his intentions."

Asuka took a moment to look at Rei closely. That was something Asuka didn't yet know, if Rei was a clone there had to have been an original that had been copied from, a donor. Asuka had until now assumed it was just an anonymous donor but now that she looked at Rei she was beginning to see something of a familiarity in her features.

"Wait a moment, who was he using as a template?"

Rei glanced at Shinji and then out towards the horizon. Asuka saw the girl lower her head and for the first time she saw genuine sadness cross the face of Rei Ayanami. Whatever the response was going to be it clearly wasn't going to be something Asuka liked or wanted to hear. She braced herself what whatever it was, yet upon hearing the words she felt that nothing could have prepared her for it.

"He was using his wife, Yui Ikari."

XXX

A couple of hours had passed until Asuka decided it was time for them to take their final break of the day. They should be able to be picked up now so it was only a matter of walking a bit further to the outpost or hoping the Wunder would detect them.

Shinji reached into his pack to get some water and quench his growing thirst. He raised the small pouch to his lips but was disappointed when nothing came out. Lowing it sadly he turned to find Asuka holding her water pouch towards him.

"Here, take mine."

Taken aback he gestured apologetically, "No I couldn't! It was my ow-"

Asuka cut him off immediately and angrily, "Just take it you idiot! Also if I hear the words 'It was my own fault' escape your lips I'll pour it on your head instead!"

He apprehensively took the water from her, "Thank you… sorry."

"It's fine. I'm in better condition physically than you so I don't need as much to keep me going."

He took a few sips of the water before passing the pouch back to her.

"I… didn't mean to run out so soon."

She quickly drank down what Shinji had left for her before smirking, "Yeah well, next time you decide on being stranded out in the desert for five days try not to throw up on the first day and we'll be fine."

He lowered his head, "Sorry…"

"You should not apologize." Rei spoke softly.

He looked back up towards Rei, her gaze fixed upon him, "Huh?"

"You should not apologize for what happened on that day. I do not believe Asuka wishes you to do so and besides what happened was an understandable reflexive action based upon what you were experiencing at the time."

Shinji sighed knowing that she was correct. Yet he did feel that he did deserve much worse than that on that day. After what he had done he didn't deserve the kindness he had experienced from Asuka. She didn't have to save him and a part of him thought that perhaps she shouldn't have done. He was thankful that she had though.

"Thank you Rei but… after that happened I think it was probably the least of what I deserved…"

He began to feel a very familiar burning sensation in the back of his eyes and pre-emptively reached up to wipe away a tear before it could form.

"You were not aware of the implications of what would happen. You were led to believe that you would be able to fix that which was broken. Your father and Kaworu Nagisa played their part in convincing you of this did they not?"

Shinji nodded, "Well yes but… Kaworu realized that something was wrong when we were down there. He asked me to stop but I just kept on going. I was so determined and convinced that we could fix the world that I just… I didn't believe him. I thought it was some kind of joke, I asked him how he could ask me to stop after what had been promised to me. It was just like the day I tried to save you. Maybe there could have been another way back then but I…"

"Typical Shinji, acts before he thinks." Asuka cut in laughing.

Asuka's mind was still conflicted over what she had learned from Rei previously. Nothing could have prepared her for the revelation that Rei had been created from the remnents of Shinji's mother. She had until now assumed that it was just another random girl they had gotten DNA samples from. Maybe one of the scientists at NERV. When she thought about it though it did explain a lot regarding Shinji's family situation.

She had tried to look into it over the last fourteen years. A number of people from WILLE were around when Shinji's mother died so she had asked them what had happened. It had turned out that much like her own mother, Yui Ikari had died whilst Shinji was very young. It too happened during a contact experiment.

Unlike Asuka though, Shinji had actually been present for the contact experiment. Yet he could not remember the events of that day and as a byproduct was unable to even remember what his mother looked like. Asuka had wondered whether or not this was fortunate or unfortunate for Shinji. To not remember your own mothers face would be a terrible thing, but to have the memories of her death erased, would that be so bad?

Afterwards Gendo had seen to it that all photographs of Shinjis mother were to be destroyed. Due to this Shinji would never actually know what Yui had looked like.

Asuka wondered if maybe that had been the plan from the start. So that when Shinji did eventually meet Rei he could not make that connection on his own. Shinji would have felt a bond between the two of them though and it was clear Gendo and Fuyutsuki had put into place some plans to have the two grow close. This was likely she Shinji had acted the way he had done.

She could just add this to the list of crimes that were stacking up against Gendo Ikari. It was also something else to add to the immense list of misery they were all facing. She returned from her thoughts just in time to hear Rei argue back with Shinji.

"But that was not…" Rei spoke, her voice raised ever so slightly.

Asuka had definitely noticed a change within Rei over the last two days. In many ways she was still the same Rei as before. Very soft spoken and concise with her words. Only in the last two days she had seemed livelier like there was more humanity inside her.

Based on what Asuka had learned from Rei this was probably due to the reconciliation of self that Rei had experienced. Yet even before that there seemed to be a growth in Rei. She supposed it made sense. Until they had started on this journey Rei had been all but isolated from the outside world and any human contact.

The girl had been given no opportunities to grow or learn about anything, including herself. Although Asuka and Shinji were hardly representative of what the world could offer Rei in learning opportunities their presence would have been enough to start the process.

Shinji fired back. A determination in his voice, "No Rei! I… I have to take responsibility for what I did! Asuka is right, I didn't stop to think about my actions. It's my fault this happened to the world. It's my fault so many people I know and loved are hurt or died."

He stood up and faced Asuka raising a hand to her cheek and caressing it softly. She felt the warmth of his gloved hand as his thumb gently ran itself over the plastic of her eyepatch, "It's my fault you're like this."

She nodded in agreement deciding to not correct him. There was more to it than that, the Angelic contamination within her was not Shinji's fault. The chances are she might have lost her eye even if he had done something on that day but it was clear he was referring to more than just her eye. Also she knew he had to start taking some responsibility for what he had done. Everyone had to be held responsible at some point.

Finally Shinji turned to Rei, "I'm responsible for hurting so many people. Even if I didn't mean to do it. I'm going to have to face up to that at the Wunder and explain myself and deal with what happens."

She paused for a period of time before nodding, "I see."

"Well said Shinji."

He laughed, "Thanks. So I guess me being sick because of my guilt is the least I deserve."

"You seemed like you in a lot of pain when it happened." Rei commented.

With a nod he replied, "I was, I forgot to eat anything on the morning and when it happened it felt like my insides were being twisted. What I saw probably didn't help."

He shuddered visibly and started to remember what had happened to Kaworu on that day. It was still a surreal memory that would flicker through his mind from time to time. He couldn't quite grasp the level of violence that had occurred right in front of his eyes and he couldn't grasp how to deal with it. He had tried to push it away with the focus being on survival but soon it would be time to confront it.

Shinji hadn't told Asuka yet everything about Kaworu. He didn't quite know what to say. Kaworu was the first person to show him actual kindness in this new world. He hadn't turned away from Shinji nor had he ordered Shinji to do anything. Instead he had offered genuine friendship and even love. Now he was gone.

"We should probably leave this for later. I'll radio ahead and see if they're picking us up." Asuka reached into her pack and produced a small radio.

"This is Captain Asuka Langley Shikinami broadcasting on emergency WILLE Frequency Delta 4-8-15. I am on approach to WILLE Radar Station Flame. I have two others with me. Please confirm you have received this, over."

There was a nervous silence between the three of them as they all waited for any response from the radio. Ten seconds passed with no response. Ten seconds turned into twenty seconds with no reply. Half a minute passed with no response.

Asuka glanced towards the direction of the outpost and raised the radio again to repeat her message. As soon as she did she was interrupted by a burst of static and a voice from the other side.

 _"C- Shi-ami! Th- is W-n-er, we -king you but - have int-fer-e. S-eon- - your location. Be - we're -ng up Nemesis Se-n app-h."_

Asuka tried to decipher the woman's garbled message. She was able to pick out two words from it, Wunder and Nemesis. She looked back from where they had come and saw the objects off in the distance. Hurtling towards them were five disc like members of the Nemesis Series. Immediately she threw her backpack onto the ground and reached in for the jamming device.

She gave her order to the others, "Shinji, Rei get down. Same as the other night, we don't speak or move."

Shinji's eyes widened in fear as he too saw them approaching. He could feel his heart begin to beat faster in his chest as a response to the approaching enemies. Without any protest he did exactly as Asuka had ordered and took up position between her and Rei. He lay face down as she finished setting up the jamming device. Next to him Rei was also starting to lie forward.

The three of them looked on as the five discs continued their journey towards them. Each emitting a low hum as they flew onwards. Asuka kept her gaze trained on the one in front.

These all appeared to be new types of Nemesis Units. They were significantly smaller than the others they had thought with these ones being about a metre and a half to two metres in diameter. They too had the two prongs aiming from the center of the units and as was usually the case there were no visible weapons.

Finally all five came to a complete stop just a few metres in front of the three of them. All three of them focused on the lead Unit as it suddenly rotated on its axis pointing its two prongs straight up into the air. The bottom of the disc was now facing them, revealing an ugly mass of organic material. Towards the front were two triangular markings containing within a hideous dripping eye that was rapidly scanning the area.

After a time the eyes fixed their gaze on their position. A bright flash of light was emitted from the prongs which covered the area. Asuka felt her eye widen in shock as without any warning the lead Unit span forward and slammed itself into the ground.

There is lay for a few moments just gently vibrating and sending small rumbles through the ground towards them.

 _'Somethings wrong… what is it doing?'_

No one moved as this strange ritual continued. The Unit continued to vibrate on the ground as the four behind remained hovering in the air.

There was so little known by NERV about the Nemesis Series. They had appeared shortly after Third Impact had occurred but their origins and who controlled them was unknown.

What was known about them though was how deadly they could be. They could not be communicated with or reasoned with. They could attack without fear and without mercy. Asuka had seen the damage done to entire towns and villages by the Nemesis Series over the last fourteen years. She had taken part in battles against them and each time they would come back in different shapes and forms. There did not seem to be anything that could be done to stop them.

The lead Unit started to hover back up into the air again. It raised itself half a metre off of the ground and eight ribbon like legs sprang from its sides planning themselves firmly into the ground. The disc had transformed itself into a bizarre mechanical spider-like entity.

The four Units behind it followed suit, each deploying eight legs of their own and planting themselves into the ground.

Asuka suddenly leapt up and yelled, "RUN! They know we're here!"

Rei and Shinji leapt to their feet no and began to run away from the Units just as the lead Unit jumped forward and narrowly missed clipping Rei's ankle. She stumbled forward before regaining her balance and following the other two.

Shinji did not dare to look behind him as he heard the skittering footsteps of them pursuing the three of them across the landscape.

"What the hell are they?" He yelled.

"Shut up and keep running!" Asuka fired back.

"I concur with Captain Shikinami, what they are is irrelevant to our situation." Rei added.

Shinji decided it'd be best to heed their advice and continue to run as fast as he could. He finally chanced a single glance behind him to see he was being followed by two of the spider-like creatures. One of them suddenly reared up and extended one of the ribbon-like legs towards him.

With reflexes that surprised him he jumped forward just managing to escape it. He chanced another glance to see it leap forward and make another attempt and trying to slice through his ankles.

Shinji glanced across at Rei and spotted her managing to nimbly dodge out of the way of one of the attacks from the creatures. Rei was managing to make dodging out of the way look effortless. She was dodging the attacks without any difficulty, anticipating the swipes of the creature's attacks and getting out of the way in plenty of time. If she was expending any effort or finding it difficult it certainly wasn't showing on her face.

Asuka on the other hand was showing plenty of frustration on her face as she continued to run forward. Asuka was also incredibly nimble and agile on her feet managing to anticipate and dodge the attacks with ease. Only her face was twisted into one of pure rage.

Unlike Shinji and Rei she only had one of the Units pursuing her but it was the leader of the group. It also appeared to be much more aggressive than the others, leaving very little time between its attacks.

Shinji focused ahead of him again and jumped up just managing to dodge another swipe from one of his pursuers. As soon as he came down he jumped up again, narrowly avoiding a swipe from the second Unit. They were, if anything else persistent.

He cringed inwardly at the thought of what might have happened if one of the attacks from those razor sharp legs managed to catch him. The memory of the ribbon attacks from the Angel that had assaulted the Geofront coming into his mind.

Asuka gritted her teeth and continued to focus directly ahead and on running. She was doing her best to not look across at how Shinji or Rei were doing. She had faith that they would be alright. She couldn't let herself be distracted by them one little bit. Any lapse in concentration would be the end for her.

The message she had gotten had mentioned the Nemesis Series and it had come from the Wunder. That meant that the Wunder must have been nearby and was aware of what was happening. So all they had to do was focus on survival. They had to keep running until help finally arrived. The only question was when exactly that would be.

She jumped up into the air again as yet another attack just missed her ankle. Unfortunately for her as she came down she found herself landing on an uneven piece of ground. Pain shot through her ankle as she stumbled forward trying as hard as she could to regain her balance.

"ASUKA!" Shinji yelled as he helplessly watched her spill to the ground.

Without giving a second thought for his own safety he dashed over to her in time for her to roll onto her back. She looked up in horror as the Unit reared up onto its hind legs. A high pitched screech was emitted from it as it brandished two of its front legs up into the air.

She felt Shinji wrap his arms around her and try to pull her up. She tried to get her body to respond but all she could do was look up in sheer terror as the creature edged closer and closer.

"ASUKA! COME ON!"

She could give no response. All she could do was feel her eye widening and her body freeze up. She could hear Shinji saying something to her but his words had all began to merge into one. All there was for her now was the wait for the legs to come forward.

"ASUKA" He yelled again.

Shinji pulled at her again and she was aware of him trying to drag her to her feet but it was too late. There was a split second between the attack flying forward before her vision was obscured by Shinji throwing his body in front of her. This time he screamed out her name.

"ASUKAAAAAAAAA!"


	6. High Hopes

**Fourteen Years ago – Eight Months After 'Near Third Impact'**

Misato Katsuragi stared through the observation window at the girl in the room. She was sat on the edge of the freshly made bed and staring straight ahead at the wall, an eyepatch covering her left eye. Placed next to her was a tray upon which the remnants of a meal lay.

There was no expression on the girls face, just a blank stare. Sadly Misato turned to face the blonde doctor stood next to her.

"It's been two months since she woke up. This is all she does, she hadn't said a word yet. Could she be being affected by that thing?"

Ritsuko Akagi shook her head, "Our tests have shown that there is nothing wrong with her physically aside from the damage sustained in the Unit 03 activation test. Any contamination has been sealed within her by the patch and shouldn't be having any effect at all."

Misato looked back through the window at Asuka, "Is she co-operative with us?"

Ritsuko nodded her head this time, "Completely. Asuka does what we ask her to do when we ask her to do it. If we need her to undress for an examination she does so. When we tell her to get dressed she does so. She eats the food given to her when it is delivered to her at meal times. She uses the bathroom and showers daily of her own volition."

"So she can hear and understand us?" Misato asked.

"Yes but she just doesn't communicate with us. She doesn't ask for anything or complain about anything and when she is not with us she just assumes this position."

Misato placed the palm of her hand on the window and leaned in a little bit closer. It was hard for her to see Asuka like this. The girl had once been so lively and vibrant. She had never been scared to voice her opinion or make demands of others. Misato used to hate the arguments Asuka would have with Shinji, now eight months after losing Shinji and after two months of Asuka not saying anything and living in the hell of a post Third Impact world she was wishing that she could hear one of those arguments again.

"Is there… nothing we can do for her?"

"There are certain therapies or treatments that we could apply that would force her to communicate with us but they are not what I would call humane. Even if we were desperate to hear Asuka talk I do not think that should ever be a viable option." Ritsuko admitted. Her words earning a frown from Misato.

"In truth I don't think there is anything we can do nor do I think we should do anything."

"You're saying we should just give up?"

"Quite the opposite. I am merely saying we should not try to force or encourage her to speak. The issue here is a psychological one. When she is ready to speak again she will do so. Until that time we should do what we can to ensure she is comfortable."

"It's just like me again, isn't it?"

Misato spoke the words softly as she continued to observe Asuka. What she was seeing from Asuka was so reminiscent of her own troubled experiences as a survivor of the Second Impact.

Misato had been so traumatized by those events that it had been two years before she had started to communicate with others again. She had to wonder if Asuka would suffer the same fate. Asuka had been in that coma for six months, woke up to a changed world. So much of Asuka's life had been stolen from her already, it was unfair that this would take more.

"It's hard to believe that's the same Asuka Langley Shikinami that we knew eight months ago. She was always so…"

"I know" Ritsuko agreed, "But from the start we knew how fragile Asuka was. There was always the risk of something like this happening. All it would take was one event to trigger an episode like this. We have to take responsibility for it."

Misato cursed herself as she finally lowered her hand, resisting the urge to drive her fist into the window. There was still no movement from Asuka and there would not be any movement from her for the rest of the day. Not unless the girl needed to use the bathroom or when the lights went down to go to bed.

"She suffered so much as a child and we were never there for her. I told her once to leave the past in the past when she actually came to me asking if I knew about what had happened. I should have seen this as a sign of her wanting to talk but I didn't." Misato paused trying to gather her thoughts.

She continued, "To suffer what she did then though. Being trapped in that Eva during the activation test. Suffering mental contamination from the Angel and barely surviving it. Having to have her body reconstructed like and. She lost her eye and has to wear that patch for the rest of her life. Finally she wakes up to discover her home and world has nearly been destroyed. It's a wonder she is able to do anything and didn't shut down completely."

"The method of awakening can't have helped matters with. She should have had another month before being woken up at the very least but we had very little choice when the UN stormed NERV in the way it did. It was wake her up or leave her in the hands of Commander Ikari. We both know what couldn't happen, we need Asuka with us."

Misato nodded remembering those few days very clearly. It had been the product of months of careful planning between herself, Ritsuko, Kaji and key members of the UN. Unfortunately all of their planning had been for nothing. The UN had been forced to bring the plans forward a month early meaning several things had gone awry.

Asuka was supposed to have been transferred back to a medical facility in Germany by then. Instead she had been awakened with no idea of what would have happened.

"Asuka did speak to me when she woke up you know?"

Ritsuko raised a curious eyebrown, "Really? I wasn't aware of this. What did she say?"

Releasing a sigh Misato replied, "She said, 'Where is Shinji?'"

"She actually asked about the Third?"

Misato nodded, "Yes… I think Asuka loved him."

If Ritsuko was surprised by Misato's words she didn't show it in her response, "I see."

"Asuka was always so adamant about not needing people as she grew up. Staying with me and Shinji began to open her up a bit I think. She still wasn't forthcoming with her feelings but you could definitely see the change in her."

Misato smiled remembering some of the times they all shared at the small apartment in Tokyo-3. She remembered coming home one night to see Asuka standing in the kitchen over a range of ingredients, "You know… Asuka was going to cook a meal for him. I came home from work once and she was there in the kitchen, her fingers covered in plasters and tasting the ingredients. Imagine that, Asuka Langley Shikinami actually going out of her way to do something for someone else. Her actually opening her heart up to someone."

Misato's frowned, "To wake up after what she had gone through only to find out that the one person who was actually willing to open her heart is to blame for the way the world is now. To find out that he vanished without a trace and we can't recover him. To find out her is probably the most hated person in this world… no wonder she is the way she is."

She paused, "And to think that we're going to try to get her to pilot an Eva again. It is such a cruel fate."

Ritsuko looked up from the clipboard she was reading, "It is cruel and unfortunate but it is a necessity. We need her to pilot Misato. We can't rely on just Mari, we need more than one pilot and finding another candidate and training them would be too much for our already stretched resources. Asuka is the best pilot we have, we need her for going up against NERV."

A voice suddenly interrupted their conversation, "Let me talk to her."

The two of them turned their heads immediately at the sound of it to see Mari Makinami stood before them. She was clad in her pink Plugsuit, the same mischievous smile she always wore planted across her lips.

Misato nodded and greeted the bespectacled pilot, "Pilot Makinami, we weren't expecting you so soon."

Mari stepped forward and shrugged, "We arrived early. Ryoji didn't want to keep the IPEA and UN people waiting any longer than they had to. Said that getting the WILLE project off of the ground is going to depend on making a good impression with all those politicians, especially if we want to keep the Eva's. Anyway, what's the deal with the princess in there?"

Misato glanced at Mari and looked her up and down curiously for a few moments. Mari was still not entirely trusted by the members of staff that had come across from NERV. Although Kaji had assured the Mari could be trusted the way in which she had appeared during the battle with the tenth Angel did make things hard.

The same of course could be said of Ryoji Kaji himself, the mysterious double agent who had posed as a member of NERV for some time and who had allowed Mari access to Unit 02 at the time. After what they had all experienced it was difficult to know who to trust anymore.

Misato did of course know in advance that Kaji was investigating NERV and SEELE around that time. She had not however been privy as to what his plans were. Mari had therefore come as a complete surprise. There had of course been rumours about another child out there but it was believed she had been lost during the Bethany Base incident.

"Kaji is here now?" She questioned the girl.

Mari nodded, "Yup, waiting for you in the conference room."

Misato sighed and looked across at Ritsuko, "We better not keep him waiting then. He's probably right about making a good impression. We all know what these politicians can be like and as much as I hate to admit it we need them on our side to get and keep the Eva's.

Before leaving she looked back at Asuka before turning to Ritusko one final time, "Using the Eva's again… are we doing the right thing? After what Shinji was able to do can we really trust the Eva's?"

"We have little choice. NERV isn't going to stop using Eva technology for what it needs and we need to be able to fight back. Especially if we want to be able to retrieve him before they do."

Misato sighed, "Yeah you're right. Okay, let's go. We shouldn't keep them waiting."

With those words both Misato and Ritsuko said their goodbyes to Mari and left the observation room. Mari took a few steps towards the glass and glanced through as Asuka. She tilted her head studying the girl who had been left all alone in there before wandering over to one of the consoles on the wall. Mari smiled as she tapped a few buttons on the machine causing a shutter to come down along the window.

She tapped a few more buttons opening the door to the room and stepped inside still smiling as she did. She brought herself around in front of Asuka. The girl made move to indicate that she had noticed Mari's presence.

"Well hello there Princess, how are you doing today?"

She spoke but didn't expect any sort of reply from Asuka. She knew that it'd probably take a lot more than that to get through to her.

Mari had heard the rumour's about Asuka around the base. Asuka had not spoken once since being revived from her comatose state two months ago. No one had been able to figure out why nor had they been able to figure out how to get her to speak.

"You probably don't know who I am but I know you. I'm a big fan of yours, Captain Asuka Langley Shikinami of the European Airforce and designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 02. I'm Mari Illustrious Makinami, pleased to make your acquaintance."

Mari grinned and held out a hand to Asuka. As aspected there was still no movement from Asuka, instead she just continued to stare straight ahead. Mari swiftly withdrew her waiting hand and instead placed both hands on her hips, continuing to grin.

"You probably don't remember but this isn't actually the first time the two of us have met. We used to know each other many years ago. It was only briefly but our mothers worked together in the earlier years of Project E. We must have been around four years old at the time. It's funny but I can still remember our first meeting, you were such a shy child back then. You hid behind your mother's legs as the two of us were introduced."

Mari giggled as she recalled the memory but very quickly afterwards her expression changed to become more serious, "You know… it was shortly after we were introduced that your mother was killed. Contact experiment, but… you already know that don't you. I know what happened to her, I saw the files. No one should have gone through that and I wish I could have been there for you but… I couldn't."

Mari waited a few moments, "You see my mother and your mother were good friends and when that incident occurred my mother decided to investigate it. She couldn't accept that it was a mere accident, especially with what had happened to the puppy's mother as well. She found out that there was something rotten within Project E, with Second Impact and the whole thing and she planned to expose it. You can probably guess what happened next can't you?"

Mari paused again noticing that Asuka's exposed eye was now fixed on her, "Yeah you guessed it. She was killed for what she knew. It was covered up and I was left in the care of a foster home back in my native England. That was until Kaji came to find me one day."

Despite the movement of her eye there was still no response from Asuka. It was just as Mari had expected. She took a few steps forward towards the bed and knelt down bringing her face level with Asuka's.

"Kaji offered me something no one else could. He offered me the truth and an opportunity to get revenge on the people that took my mother away from me. Not just for me but for you and for the Puppy as well. I was going to get revenge for all of the mothers and fathers and children hurt by the actions of SEELE and NERV. It was an easy decision for me to make, I got an in with the Third Branch in Bethany Base and ended up as designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 05."

The smile quickly returned to Mari's face. She had gotten the painful memories out of the way, now to tackle the present day.

"Not long after that I ended up with you guys in Tokyo-3, not that you would have known of course. I kept myself hidden, although I did have a very interesting encounter with the Third Child upon my arrival."

 _'There it was.'_ Mari thought to herself. A very subtle but visible twitch above Asuka's working eye on mentioning the Third Child. Most people would have missed it but Mari was making sure to carefully study Asuka to watch for any movement.

Mari stood up again and started to pace the area in front of Asuka.

"Being honest I think he got more a view of me than he should have done that day but hey, what can you do? Had to alter my course parachuting into Tokyo-3 and ended up on the school. Should have seen the look on his face. It was a picture."

She grinned and continued, "You know, it was me who told the puppy to go ahead and fight on that day. You should have seen him on his own in that shelter. Seen his face when I came crashing in whilst in Unit 02. I bet he thought it was you, he would have been terrified that you had been hurt."

Mari stopped again to look for any reaction from Asuka. Asuka's gaze was now firmly locked onto Mari and there was another small twitch from her. The blank expression Asuka had wore previously had changed, she was almost scowling.

"He's quite something isn't he? The puppy I mean, who would have thought that he would have been capable of causing an awakening within the Evangelion like that. Not that he did it on purpose you understand, he probably wasn't to know what would happen if he pushed it that far."

Mari took a few steps forward and brought herself down to Asuka's level once more. She leaned in closer and with her voice almost a whisper she spoke.

"Would you like to know what Katsuragi and Akagi are doing right now my fair princess? They're currently sat in a meeting with representatives of the UN and the IPEA. Politicians and leaders of what Is left in this world are conversing with them all trying to hash out a deal to take on the two Eva's that were seized in the assault on NERV. Your Unit 02 and my shiny new Unit. They're going to want you to be a pilot again, so that you can help fight against NERV because god knows I can't do it alone."

Mari saw Asuka's hands start to tremble at the mention of the Eva's. She noticed her eye begin to widen in response and her lips parted ever so slightly.

"P-Pilot?"

Asuka stuttered out the word. Her voice was barely above a whisper and sounded incredibly weak. All Mari could do was smile and nod, "Yes pilot. You alongside me. We'll be taking the fight to NERV together but I thought you should know that fighting NERV isn't the only reason they want us to pilot. They reckon they can use the Eva's to somehow retrieve the puppy."

Mari barely had any time at all to dodge the sudden movement from Asuka. She jumped backwards just as Asuka rose quickly managing to avoid the collision between Asuka's head and Mari's nose. Asuka's entire body was now trembling as she spoke once more.

"G-Get him b-back?"

Mari let out a laugh, "Yeah, I knew that'd get a reaction. I bet they were all dodging around the subject while you were like that but yeah get him back. By all accounts NERV want him too though, so it isn't going to be easy. So what do you say princess, want to join me and go find a lost puppy?"

For a time Asuka said absolutely nothing and just looked ahead blankly at Mari. Mari knew it would be delicate talking to Asuka like this. There was a risk she could push too far and make the situation worse for all of them. If she did that there would be hell to pay from Katsuragi and Akagi, they hardly trusted her as it was.

Yet Mari had to try. She could offer things they couldn't to Asuka and help her in ways they weren't able to. She wanted to help her old friend. Even if it had been ten years since they knew each other and even if Asuka couldn't remember it. She needed to help her, for the sake of both their pasts and future.

Asuka studied the girl in front of her. Her mind was racing from what she had been told. For two months she had been sat in a continuous cycle of replaying the events of what had happened to her in Unit 03. Remembering the fear she had felt as she alarms blared all around her pulling her deep into the core of the Eva. Remembering how she felt watching Unit 03 now taken over by the Angel storming towards Tokyo 3. She could remember how she felt when the Angel began to try to creep its way inside her and tear her body apart.

Worst of all she could remember exactly how she felt when she watched Shinji in Unit 01 refuse to do anything to help her until finally they resorted to the dummy plug. Shinji had abandoned her. He had betrayed her by not even trying. He was responsible for her being the way she was now and not only that he had nearly destroyed this very world they lived in.

After a time her response came. Saying the word make her feel sick with regret as soon as she uttered it.

"No."

To Mari this reply wasn't a huge surprise. She had given it a fifty or so percent chance that Asuka would refuse. After all what Asuka had gone through had not only nearly killed her and damaged her physically, there were also numerous psychological trauma added onto an existing list.

Yet Mari wasn't going to give up, she couldn't give up. She needed Asuka there to fight alongside her. She couldn't do it without Asuka.

Asuka in the meantime was still going over what Mari had told her. She couldn't get back into an Eva again, not after what had happened in Unit 03. Not after what had happened in the battle before it and certainly not after waking up in this world. She had not been able to do a damn thing with her Eva. All of her life she had trained to be a pilot. She had trained to be the best and save the world and prove her existance. Yet she had failed completely.

In addition to this the one person she had nearly opened her heart to despite her promise to never need anyone was the person responsible for all of this. He had abandoned her, abandoned everyone.

Before Asuka knew it Mari had closed the distance between the two of them and had a warm hand raised and placed softly on Asuka's cheek. Asuka flinched at the contact but didn't move as the plugsuit clad hand gently stroked her cheek. The lingering smell of LCL was turning her stomach but she didn't pull away from the contact.

"It's your choice princess but... I know how you really feel about him. I know how you felt about him then and I know how you feel about him now. I know how he feels about you too. The thing is princess, god knows what they'll do to him when they get him back. A lot of people hate him for what happened. They blame him entirely, as if the puppy had planned it all along. When he comes back people are going to demand he be thrown into the darkest prison left on this planet or hell even killed outright."

Mari paused for a moment, "The only reason they want to retrieve him before NERV does is because NERV can use him as a trigger for a Fourth Impact. You however... you're the only chance he has of staying alive when we do retrieve him."

Asuka shook her head. Her voice speeding up as she spoke, "I... I can't... I... failed, I don't want to... I don't want to die... I don't want to be hurt anymore... I want to be... I deserve to be alone."

Mari smiled and gripped Asuka firmly, "So you failed once and you're just going to give up? Is that all it takes for you princess? I got my ass kicked in your Unit 02 and I'm still here! We fight, we get our arses kicked but we survive and we live! Come on! You're the only chance that poor lost puppy has! Besides don't you want to the chance to tell him everything you're feeling right now? Tell him how you feel for his lack of action when you were in Unit 03? Tell him how you feel for what he did to this world? Call him a brat and berate him?"

Asuka looked up to meet Mari's gaze, "I... want... I hate..."

"Then join me! Help me get him back and you can tell him! You can see his stupid face and tell him how you've held it back for so long. We'll get him back... together."

Asuka paused, her mouth open ever so slightly. She thought it over. There was the opportunity she could see him again. She could see that boy once more, the boy who had abandoned her and abandoned the world. She nodded slowly, she could do it. She could fight alongside Mari and bring him back. Even if it was to tell him just how much she hated him.

"I... will pilot with you."

"Good! That's just what I wanted to hear. Thank you princess, I promise you won't regret it." Said Mari with a wide grin."

Mari started to turn to leave the room but just as she took her first step she felt a tightening around her hand. Asuka had grabbed it and had pulled her back. She turned to meet Asuka's gaze. She was wearing a trouble expression with a pleading in her eye.

"C-Can you... stay with me tonight? I... I don't want to be alone."

Mari again raised her hand to Asuka's face and softly caressed the redhead's cheek. This was certainly not what she had expected from Asuka and required a bit of thought. Mari paused and stared deeply at Asuka before leaning in closely to her. All the light-heartedness from before had gone.

"I'll stay with you Asuka. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"T-Thank you." Asuka muttered.

With those words Asuka instinctively wrapped her arms around Mari embracing her lightly. Mari made no motion but instead welcomed it and wrapped her own arms around Asuka. For a moment they stared at one another before Mari's instincts took over. She leaned in getting her face closer to Asuka parting her lips ever so slightly. Asuka made no motion to move instead allowing Mari to kiss her softly.

Finally when Mari pulled away she whispered, "I'll be here for you, until we get him back."

XXX

 **Present Day**

Shinji shut his eyes tightly and braced himself for the pain from the creatures attack. He held Asuka close to him shielding her from the attack. He could sense the blade coming towards him, hearing it whirl through the air as it did so. Just as he sensed it just reach his shirt the sound of a loud gunshot cracked through the air.

The creature behind him emitted a high pitched squeal and Shinji turned his head around just to see a shell hit the creature square in the soft underbelly. The creature was thrown backwards through the air landing on the ground with its legs flailing through the air.

He looked in the opposite direction to see their savior. The humanoid form of what looked like the pink Evangelion Unit 08 was striding towards them only it was much smaller than the others, measuring at maybe twenty or so feet. Its rifle was aimed directly at the leader of the arachnid-based Nemesis series it had just shot. There was a flash as another shell was propelled from the rifles barrel. Blood spurted forth from the creature's belly.

He worriedly glanced back down at Asuka and shook her gently calling out to her, "ASUKA!"

Asuka gave no response instead lying lifelessly in his arms, he gazed fixed straight ahead at the arachnids.

"Asuka! We have to go! Come on, please. I need you Asuka! I can't do this along!" He pleaded with her turning her around to look at him.

"Please Asuka! I need you!"

She blinked slowly seemingly coming out of her trance like state, "S-Shinji…"

"Asuka… you're… you're alright?" Shinji pulled her into an embrace burying his head into her shoulder and holding her tightly.

Asuka nodded slowly, "Shinji… I…"

Asuka looked ahead at the fallen arachnid and back at the machine that had saved them both. She shook her head trying to come back to her senses. It had happened again, just as it had so many years ago and just as it had when she had she was about to get Shinji back. She had frozen in fear and been unable to do anything.

"I… I couldn't do anything… again, you nearly died becau-"

"Don't say that Asuka!" He pulled her towards him again and felt her hands around him as the two of them slowly rose to their feet.

"Hey princess, puppy! As sweet and romantic as your little exchange it can we do it later? We got a few more of them coming up on your position."

Both of their attention turned to the corpse of the Nemesis creature. The other four members of the group had gathered behind their fallen comrade and seemed somewhat confused as to what to do next. Rei appeared next to them.

"Asuka, are you feel okay?" She asked.

Asuka smiled, "Heh, sympathy from you? I must have looked bad. I'm… I'm fine, it was a side-effect of having to lead you two through this nothingness for five days. Come on, let's go and we'll let four-eyes up there be useful for a change and mop up those things.

Asuka took a step forward but stumbled as a wave of nausea washed over her. She felt two pairs of hands come straight to her helping her keep her balance.

"Oh shit! Having to be helped to walk by the weirdest brother and sister combination in existence. How degrading." She joked.

"Umm you three, sometime soon would be a good idea." Came Mari's voice.

"Oh shut up! We're moving aren't we!" Yelled Asuka.

She released herself from Rei and Shinji's grip, "I'm fine now. Let's go."

The three of them moved quickly forward just as the pink unit passed over them with its progressive knife drawn.

They looked on as one of the arachnid units spun up into the air and tried to extend one of its legs towards their position. Mari was fortunately too quick for it and managed to grab at one of the razor sharp legs with her Eva's hands and hack away at it with the knife.

Without giving the creature any chance of responding she dived forward and plunged the knife straight through the shell of the creature. A torrent of the creatures blood gushed upwards and splashing all around it onto the ground.

Mari immediately brought her machine around and brought one of the feet down near to the remaining three creatures. Two of them immediately raised up onto their hind legs and send their front legs sailing forward towards Mari's unit's throat.

Mari tried to dodge but one of the legs hit the target and wrapped itself around the small Eva's throat. Another missed but managed to graze the machines shoulder. A scream of pain from Mari thundered all around them as she raised her Eva's foot and brought it down crushing the creature in the process. In a final act of desperation before its death the creature brought its leg down and sliced cleaning through the shoulder of the Eva.

Using its one remaining hand Mari slashed wildly at the leg wrapped around her Eva's neck. Finally she hit the target and sliced through it with ease. Now released from the creatures grasp she dashed forward and brought her foot down onto the creature crushing it like the previous one.

With one remaining creature Mari spun her Eva around to face it. The arachnid jumped up into the air and brought itself down around the head of the Eva. Another scream could be heard from Mari as the creature sunk all eight of its legs into the Eva. It began to thrash around wildly seemingly trying to rip the Eva's head clean off of its shoulders.

Using its free hand Mari brought her progressive knife up and brought it down driving it through the back of the creature. It hit the hard exterior of the arachnid causing the sound of metal on metal and bright flashes to tear through the area. Mari brought he knife up again and drove it down hard, her screams of anger could be heard with every attempt.

"DIE"

She raised the knife.

"YOU"

She brought it down.

"BASTARD!"

The knife finally made its way through the armour plating of the creature. Blood fountained out from the creature was it finally fell lifeless from its position and tumbled to the ground.

The trio looked on as Mari's Eva dropped to one knee before also tumbling over onto its side. Asuka released a sigh of relief and dashed over to the back of the machine. A hatch popped up and Asuka held out a hand to help the smiling pink plugsuit clad Mari out of the machine.

"Late as always four-eyes. What the hell took you so long?"

Mari giggled, "As always no gratitude from the princess! So where are they then?"

Mari did not wait for a reply from Asuka and quickly brushed past her and strode over to a waiting Rei and Shinji. Shinji blinked as he looked at Mari. He had only encountered her on a couple of occasions. The first was when she had collided with him on the rooftop of his school, the next was when she told him he had to fight during the battle against the tenth Angel.

Beyond this he knew very little about her nor did he know what to expect from her. What he did know was that her proximity to him was making him feel very uncomfortable. Much like during that first meeting she sniffed at him, first his chest and then up to his neck. She smirked at him.

"Hmm… just as I thought, you smell just like the princess…"

"I-I what?"

She continued to grin as he started to blush, her gaze turned towards Asuka who was suddenly very interested in a rock on the ground.

"Well you two wasted no time, what a development this is…"

Shinji backed away, "W-What do you mean…"

She winked at Shinji, "Oh I think you already know. I thought it was odd when she smelled just like you but this confirmed it. Tell me, just how wa-"

"MARI!" Came a sudden yell from a very red-faced Asuka.

Mari jumped at the sound of the yell but also laughed, "Sorry princess! I do wonder though, who is more uncomfortable right now? You or the puppy?"

Mari quickly turned her attention towards Rei and much like she had with Shinji got within close proximity to her. She too sniffed at Rei who didn't seem to be too bothered by the strange antics of Mari.

"Hmm, just LCL here. I guess they didn't involve you in it."

"FOUR-EYES WILL YOU PLEASE STOP!" Came the yell from Asukka.

Mari giggled and turned around to them, "Oh I'm sorry, I'm just glad we're all safe and happy again."

She sidled up to Shinji, "Well Shinji… what do you think of my new toy?"

Mari jumped at the sound of Asuka yelling, "Sorry princess! I wonder though, who am I making more uncomfortable with this, you or the puppy?"

She gestured towards the fallen one armed mech and Shinji just looked at it, "Umm… is it an Eva?"

Asuka rolled her eyes, "No it isn't an Eva! Does it look like an Eva?"

He shrugged, "I don't know?"

Mari began to explain, "It's a new weapon developed by the IPEA and WILLE! It's the TRIDENT Mark 2. It's sort of based on old JSSDF technology but it's undergone some major changes from the original version."

He nodded blankly, "It's a small scale battle mech which fuses Eva, IPEA and JSSDF technology. It can produce a small A.T. Field. They let me use it for a test run against the Nemesis series, quite a success don't you think?"

Shinji nodded not knowing exactly how to respond. He didn't quite know if the sight of a fallen mech with no arm and a nearly destroyed head could be considered a success. Rei on the other hand did not have the same level of tact as Shinji.

"You lost an arm and the head unit was also nearly damaged. Whilst winning the battle the mech is no longer within operation parameters."

Mari looked blankly towards Asuka, "Huh?"

Asuka laughed, "She means, that as per usual four-eyes we can't give you a new toy without you breaking it! How many is this now for you? Evangelion Unit 05 was destroyed. You played havoc with my Unit 02. Unit 08 is gone and now you've ruined a good TRIDENT Prototype!"

Mari shrugged nonchalantly, clearly not bothered by the jabs at her piloting ability, "Hey it isn't my fault they send me out for a close range fight! You know that isn't my style, I'm a long range, sniper kinda girl. Shame though, I had a name picked out for it and everything. I was going to call it 'Tarkus', what do you think princess? I'm sure you'd appreciate that right?"

Asuka let out a sigh, "Tarkus was a cross between an Armadillo and Tank. Why would you name it that?"

Mari shrugged again, "Dunno, just thought it sounded good. Why did we bother naming anything what we did?"

Rei cut in, "Miss Makinami has a point. The name Evangelion is Greek for good news and is therefore not reflective of the machine that we have piloted."

"But…"

"Blue has a point there princess, so what about you puppy? What do you think about Tarkus as a name for my new toy?"

Shinji looked around meeting the gaze of each of the three girls and wondered what would be the best thing to say in this situation. Asuka was boring a hole through him.

"Well… it doesn't look like an Armadillo…"

Mari simply grinned again, "Siding with the Princess, there's a surprise there. Still I suppose this can wait until later, gotta get you three back to the Wunder. Katsuragi has ordered me to make sure you all arrive unhurt."

"So she knows there are three of us?" Asuka asked.

"Yup, we picked up your signatures yesterday actually but the barrier density was still too high. It didn't take too much detective work to figure out it'd be you, the puppy and blue back there. I gotta say though puppy, I don't think I've seen Katsuragi as angry as she was five days ago, you've got a lot of explaining to do when you get back."

Shinji lowered his eyes, "I… I know."

"Good, although I will warn you. I saw her cleaning her new pistol earlier today so I'd make sure you figure out just what it is she wants to hear before you say it."

"Makinami!" Asuka yelled.

"Sorry, just a little joke." Mari protested.

Asuka glared at her, "Well can you not, now isn't the time."

"Ooh getting protective of the puppy are we."

Asuka fired back, "More like getting fed up of hearing you talk crap. In case you forgot we've been out here for five days living off of water and nutrient paste. I'd appreciate it, as your superior officer, if you'd shut up and just get us back."

"Ooh pulling rank on me, well aye-aye Captain! I'll radio ahead and get them to close in on our position."

Mari moved away from the three of them pulling out a radio and attempting to contact the Wunder. As she did Asuka moved in closer to Shinji and stared straight into his eyes.

"No going back now Shinji, are you ready to face it."

Shinji shook his head, "No, but… I will face it. I have to and Asuka… thank you… for everything."

Asuka smiled and nodded, "Good, how about you Rei."

"I am comfortable in facing the members of WILLE. I will attempt to tell them everything I can and assist in anything they ask." She replied. No hint of apprehension in her voice.

"Sounds just like what they'll want to hear. They'll like that."

"Can I ask a question?" Rei started.

"Sure thing."

"Why does Pilot Makinami call me 'Blue'?"

Asuka laughed, "That's just what she is like. She has to have a nickname for everyone. You get used to it, even if it is annoying. She's a good person but… don't tell her I told you guys that."

Rei nodded and smiled, "I think I would like to get to know her some more if possible. She seems… interesting."

"Well she… does have interesting qualities but… are you sure you'd like to get to know her more?"

Rei nodded again, "Yes. I do not know why but I feel I could learn a lot from her. She seems like an interesting companion."

Asuka shot Shinji a knowing glance before looking back in Mari's direction, "Looks like she is done contacting the Wunder!"

Mari looked up towards the sky, in the distance the large winged aircraft known as the AAA Wunder could be seen coming into view and settling itself down on the ground. Rei was the first to walk forward towards it catching up with Mari.

Shinji and Asuka watched them as the two continued walking further away from them. Shinji looked back behind him wondering if he was making the right decision. Within that craft were the people he used to know fourteen years ago, all of them changed significantly because of the actions he took. Shinji knew that he couldn't go back and change his decision back then nor could he find some sort of quick fix for it. All he could do now was move forward and try his best and accept what was to come.

"Having second thoughts?"

He shook his head, "No, just… I'm scared of what's in there. I'm scared of you, of Misato, of Ritsuko and all of the crew. I don't want to be hurt Asuka but the alternative is much more painful. There is just so much more I have to deal with, I still don't quite know what to do or where to start."

She put an arm around him, "At the beginning I guess. You go in there, you sit down and take the anger and crap from them and you start to explain yourself."

"It'd rather speak to you."

She smiled, "You can speak to me whenever you want but I'm not the one who makes the decisions in there."

"Everyone in there hates me and it's my own fault but I have to face it. I just… there is so much more I want to learn and tell you first."

"And you will have time for all of that." She stood and extended her hand towards him, "Come on Shinji, time to go home."

Slowly he rose, extending his own hand and grabbing onto hers. Just as they were when they started this journey five days ago Asuka and Shinji walked across the landscape towards their destination hand in hand.

* * *

 **Authors Notes**

Originally this and Ancestral were all one big chapter, but I decided to split it up so we had two 7,000 word or so chapters each. This however marks the end of this particular story. With this story I wanted to do something a little bit shorter than I had been doing. I wrote Human Equation and The Catalyst and they both ended up being behemoths in terms of length/word count and decided to scale it back a bit for any future work. So when someone suggested I do a Post 3.33 Fic I thought it'd be a perfect opportunity to do that. I wanted to just chronicle the journey they made back to the Wunder after the events of the film. I might revisit this in the future though and do a sequel, there is plenty to be explored here and it might be fun to do so.

I also wanted to give a big thank you to those who stopped by to leave feedback on this, it was remarkably useful. The feedback allowed me to look at what I had wrote and improve it massively so that was invaluable. I only hope that those of you who did read it enjoyed it and if you did please feel free to leave a review. :)


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